This year K started soccer. I’ve always been keen to have the girls involved in some kind of sport and artsy expression. Soccer was something that she was keen on, but each Sat, at game time, and each practice time, she preferred to not join in and rather play with mud on the side line. This was frustrating and surprising for me, especially as I had volunteered myself as the coach!
L always seemed keen to join in the practice and wanted to play when she was 5, just like K. I was hopeful that when eventually she did get to play, that she wouldn’t cry or perform like K routinely was. Well I eventually got over myself and the proud attitude of ‘don’t give up on something you’ve started’, and this last week I told K she didn’t have to play anymore and that I understood how she felt. Immediately L asked if she could play instead! Well of course! So here she is, a photo from her first game, where she actually kicked the ball more than K had in the whole season. She did really well, she is so keen and I am thinking ‘why didn’t I pick up on those clues before now!’
I don’t enjoy coaching, at all really. I like the thought of helping others, but I’m not wired in the sporting way. I won’t volunteer again I don’t think.
From the counselling and talking I’ve had this year, the opportunity to open up what is going on in my mind/heart, I’ve discovered some messages I’ve certainly lived by for awhile. They are not necessarily messages I believe in, but I have lived by them nevertheless. One message is that I have found value in doing things for others, I feel important, feeling like I’m something special and have something to offer.
So this year is rather opposite to the years I’ve had for many before. I have moved to a city, where I’m having a sabbatical – a rest from what I’ve been doing. People have asked me what I do during the week! Interesting question for someone who has placed huge value on doing ‘things’. I now answer ‘nothing in particular’ (apart from my delicious job of caring for L during the day). And it’s true. I do nothing that I used to do. Hardly any meetings, being in charge of anything, working to a schedule (cleaning the house should be on some sort of schedule I guess!), except for soccer coaching – ahhhhh.
Through this time, I have had to discover what I enjoy doing, for me and for the good of my family. I have walked more, even in the rain (L takes an umbrella on the pram just incase it drizzles), I have continued drinking a coffee a day, I have done some art, played the piano a few times and enjoyed changing rooms around. I have bought magazines, discovered recycling and read loads of books. I have baked and cooked and baked more. I have even made soup. I’ve never made soup, from scratch.
It’s good to discover more about me. To discover that I’m OK just being me, no more, no less.
Psalm 18 v 16 ish talks about how God stooped down to pick me up, because he delights in me. (my paraphrase). He delights in me. I am hopeful to rest in that more and to enjoy the simpleness of being ME.
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