Spring – the daffodils, camellias, blossoms are all out and starting to fill my world with wonder. I love the start of spring, especially as there is hope of warmer weather and some more colour!
Bad reports – I’m finding it hard when people ask how it’s going with d and me. I have nothing positive to report and being a pretty positive person, that is stifling and I feel like I’m drowning in it. The most positive thing was that he had started a counselling course but it doesn’t appear that he is putting every effort in.
My response – I heard something about how we respond to God in situations as opposed to letting our situation dictate us. I liked that and thought I could think more on that. I also heard a quote from some random book – “God hears us when we are in the middle of a wonderful and busy life and he also hears us when we are in the desert and parched. But it is when we are in the desert and truly desperate, when we hear what God says to us.” That is my paraphrase but it made me think.
The girls – K was angry the other night, suddenly after finishing on the phone with daddy. I asked her to share how she was feeling and she told me she was angry with me, angry with me for marrying daddy. She wanted me to marry someone who would live with us forever……….. Isn’t that amazing, profound even? I am so glad she was able etc share that. I took her out for a fluffy the next day and some cake and I showed her a wedding album I had. She was in awe of it all and I explained a little about being in love etc. It was a moment I wasn’t sure how to handle but did what I felt. Parenting through this has been quite hard but I’m doing OK at it, apart from my outbursts of rage sometimes when things aren’t going as soothly as I’d like, like this morning when the girls poured water everywhere in their room. I said some rough things in rough ways of which I wasn’t proud of. I am thinking there will be no more water poured in the room this week.
TV – I’m thinking about how I watch too much of this sometime and forget about the source of my life. I have not spent much time with the lover of my soul, the one who makes me happy and who fills my life when nothing else will. I am sorry but glad He walks with me, whatever.
Retreat – I’m going on a spiritual retreat in 2 weeks. It’s for 4 days and it’s by myself (no children or friends) with food, a few times of prayer during the day, an hour of spiritual direction and time. Time for myself to be with my God and to speak with Him and listen. I’ve never done anything like this but someone wonderful is paying for me to do this. I’m in awe! I’m also a little nervous. How will it be and what will it look like? I’m a bit excited about it too.
Those are just some thoughts. Love me
PS Love the photos caz. you are clever.
2 comments:
Hi Sez - the blogs you are writing are a priviledge to read. Try to find the book Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas. It speaks to the area of hurting while raising your children. It is powerful and reassuring. God is so big and can do such wonderful things with our meagre capacity. Keep running. You are actually doing such a good job...I particuarly admire the soccer coaching ;) Who knew ten years ago what we'd do in our roles as mothers? Taking k out and talking about marriage will be landmark for her - it is still precious and although she can't see the signs of that, she will soon realise the truth of it. Love u xx
Not sure I am clever, maybe more crazy than clever! Thanks for your offerings here the past couple of days....so challenging to the rest of us...provoking us to be real and honest...thanks!
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