You came twice

Yip, my birthday came twice.
Perhaps a little bit of selfishness on my part, but i got to paaarty twice!
Such pleasant and fun times with a few of the amazing friends i have. One time i will have a great big party where loads can come - maybe in 4 years when the big 40 strikes!
One party in my home-town with new and precious friends.
One in old home-town with old and dear friends.
Both had great food and beverage. both had laughs, photos, and chattering.

It's great to get dressed up, even though my first outfit was a nightmare. i could not control where the 'off-the-shoulder' sleeve wanted to fall and all night i was annoyed and hacked off with it. Mental note to self: don't wear that again in a hurry!
The first was at a fav cafe in old-town.

The second was at friends.

Curry was cooked, dessert was baked and all i made was this lucious drink (freeze blueberries with cranberry juice in ice cube trays and when ready to serve, add lemonade!). It was popular but not as favoured as the incredible curry eaten around the table together, or the fabulous puds made by my lovely Hannah!

I always say it's good to celebrate, even when your birthday is close to Chrissy-mas. And it is. Make sure you do, whatever the ocassion. It is perfect for being with people you love.

Good times

Dear Sarah (what a cool name)

Loved catching up the other night on the phone! I wanted to write and share a few of the cooler moments from the Lonsdale family holiday. Going away before Christmas is wonderful but provides a false sense of ‘calmness’ before the sometimes ‘storm’ of Chrissy. When I went grocery shopping yesterday after arriving home, I had to remind myself to relax, as I navigated my trolley around the place. Great to be home. Amazing to have been with my family.

Somehow each day on holiday, I managed to stay asleep in my bed, while my mother and Matty looked after the girls. I think it was mostly mum (secretly getting the girls to make birthday cards for me) but Matt had a share in that.

Horse riding (Yes, even me!), rock climbing, water sliding, archery and the flying fox were highlights for us all.

Times where we just sat together while the kids played lego or cards or dolls. Beautiful. Often hilarious.

Getting the family Christmas ready with the kids and then having it. Uncle Jeremy giving us presents that were our own already! Sneaky guy stealing our stuff to wrap up. Very funny.

Loads and loads of good food and of course a lot of coffee.

A moment of reflection and thanks to my family for their support over the past few years of crazy-ness. Some tears, of course.

And Sezzy – loads of playing cards and even me teaching our family and friends (30 at one stage) to play Danish rounders! Whoop whoop! Missed you my beautiful friend. It won’t be long till we see you again – someone recently asked if I was heading to the UK next year! How funny. Do you think they will pay?

Thanks for your generosity towards me. I anticipated this being crazy-hard with the girls going. But it’s been good. It’s been softer and it’s been more comfy having the familiar around in the unfamiliar time. Matt and I have snuck coffee’s when we could, I’ve taken him to my fav café, we’ve even watched a bit of ‘The Wire’ (how many bad words are in that? poor Grandma!).

“Presence is a delicious word because it points to one of our truly great gifts. Nothing else can take the place of presence, not gifts, not telephone calls, not pictures, not mementos, nothing. As the person who has lost a lifelong mate what they miss the most; the answer is invariably “presence”. When all are ill, we don’t need soothing words nearly as much as we need loved ones to be present. What makes shared life – games, walks concerts, outings and a myriad of other things – so pleasurable? Presence”.

Love you Sarah. You are one beautiful wahine. Talk soon, love me.

see you next week

We are off on our trip tomorrow, so no blogging from me for over a week and then it will be birthday photos, family photos and all the family fun we've been having.

I will miss you blog, you are so good for me and my wee heart.

See you soon, love me xx

go away dragon lady

Wow i've done 109 posts, that seems impressive as i would have given up writing a diary way before 109 posts. Well done me.

I'm not worried at all about the christmas rush (although i am hating some of the traffic) as i've enjoyed making wee cute things to give people and the rush (that comes from giving) of doing that outweighs the work of it, i'm thinking.

But somewhere along the way, i seem to be a psycho mum, waaaaay too much.

I'm trying to focus on the 'calm' response. It's harder as my natural tendency is not that, at present. I think about being a fun mum as i'm having a melt down and that just annoys me. "Oh God (i speak to him) please help my kids still like me".

they leave in just over a week for ausi with their dad. i think i'm dreading it still and seem to be behaving badly because of that stress. ahhh it doesn't make sense. And i really don't want them to not like their mum. And then that stresses me.

And then a bird pooped on my head - yip it's true. I've had a week where my head has been the focus in my life - nits, my random crazy thoughts and now a poop. It was rather funny actually. all you can do is laugh. no photo sorry.

we head away on monday and that will be fab to be with my wonderful family. First time all together since the 'Sarah's marriage meltdown fiasco'. Ye ha. In amongst the fun of that, i hope i get moments of bliss with my girls. I want them to remember the nice lady who adores them so much.

I've talked to them simply about us being 'apart' at christmas. it goes kind of like this:

"remember two things while you are away: Remember the Lord and that he loves you no matter which country you are in. And remember your mum who loves you ......"

Simple, heartwrenching, the truth.

Far better than psycho dragon lady.

long lost sarah writes in

These things have been happening in the house of us:

girls and I had an afternoon with some friends making felt Christmas stockings. Crazy times with 7 kids sewing blanket stitch. The 5 year old boy was awesome at it. Liv was rather bored.

Been feeling a bit low in the evenings these last few weeks but had some people round for cook book club on thurs and realized I was isolating myself a bit at night and was glad of the hosting opportunity and the company.

Made these fritters: 1 C self-raising flour, 1 C milk and 1 egg plus grated courgette and carrot (you could add anything). A great mixture – cook them just like pikelets! The girls ate them which was cool (and of course they were threatened that I would eat their slice of bacon if they didn’t devour one vege fritter!).

I am frequently having to wear those granny undie thingies which apparently hold in all your extra buldge so your jeans fit proper. Yeah, nice but can hardly breathe at end of day and need to rip those babies right off! Lower riding jeans are all good apart from that muffin at the top!

Nits. Oh my goodness. I can hardly talk about them but I have seen many a nit over this weekend. My hair is now a darker chocolate brown colour and I’m just about to straighten the lot as to try and kill off any of the little blighters that might be hanging on. Poor wee one has had them in her thick hair so we’re trying the routine of creaming and combinb each night along with straightening. She looks delicious with straight hair. Emmm what fun. Not.

Making fudge (Nigella style – 400g chocolate, 1 tin condensed milk and 2 T butter melted in a pot. Add pistachios or whatever you like – I add apricots to the chocolate one and craisins to the white chocolate. Set in a tray but with baking paper as that makes it really really easy to cut and get out). Hoping to give it to neighbours and friends for Christmas in these tins (recycle tins, remove label, paint white and glue christmasy ribbon on.

Easy, cheap, love it!).

What a winner – I won a spot prize (a fairy down pillow) at our church volunteer dinner last night. Then I won the ‘peoples choice’, ‘volunteer of the year’. Cool nice surprise. Girls are very proud.

We’re reading this book at the moment, the story of our heritage in God. It’s a really cool kids thing, to remind them of their history in the story of God and his love for us. Hoping it will become a regular each year!

Our Garden is growing, we can officially eat our own grown lettuces! Everyone is very excited. First time ever for me.

People going to talk to D today re him leaving us. Good people. People from our body of churches. Wondering what they said, wish i could truly be a fly or better yet a pretty ornament in the room, listening, observing.

As was feeling low this week, i roused myself to do some more prayers and reading of God's word. That was a good remedy. Psalm 121 (even quoted in the Sound of music) - I lift my eyes up, to the mountains, where does my help come from? It comes from the maker of heaven and earth who does not slumber or sleep over you......

Volunteering at my church has been so great. Doing something for others make you think less of your own turmoil and bless others. Such a good move on the chessboard of our lives. To give.

Hope your weekends have been good - maybe some sunshine, a magic show (yip got to go to one of those which was AMAZING!), some Christmas cheer or maybe just relaxing!

Immanuel

If I had a word of the year, I think it would be Immanuel. It means God with us. And I love it. I have sat at the piano and made simple songs up with it in, reminding me of God with me and God with us. Remembering Immanuel, remembering that He is with us is a key to this year. Today I realized we live a normal-ish life until the second weekend of every fortnight. Today d turned up to get the girls. Mostly in the weeks leading up, I forget about him or I try to remove him from my current thoughts and mostly that works. But it’s like a gun shot or a loud explosion or a pain in my side, on these Saturday pick-up-days. I slump a little, feel sad for quite awhile and mostly have a good old cry. Today I went straight to the piano after crying tears on the already wet washing. I cried as I sung about my Immanual. I realized too, that I had not even consciously made a choice to come and worship in the midst of the explosion of pain that re-entered. I had just gone to the piano.

In the midst of ruggardness, there is this voice calling gently to my heart. “Come, come, come. Let go”. Don’t get me wrong – I am not perfect. For the first few minutes after he drives away with the girls I am pretty agro and swear a bit and tell God my honest hateful feelings. I don’t rant but I do say the same comments over and over with a bucket or two of tears. And then I recognize the voice calling. And I go.

The girls just rang, which was so cool. They wanted to connect and I thought they wouldn’t as I’d been a bit grumpy towards them today. L told me in a very quiet voice that she loved me more than daddy as he sometimes says some quite mean things to her (her words). I felt a little worried for her but offered some prayers and encouragement. K cheerfully talked of the great day she was having and at the end asked me to listen as she blew me kisses. Nice girls.

A friend text and spoke with me offering a night of fun at her place with girlie things. I felt to stay home but was really touched by the grace she offered – no matter what was going on for me, she wanted to know I had options and that I was not forgotten. She reminded me that she loved me no matter what I chose to do tonight. Currently I’m in bed, ready to watch a dvd and have an early night but how beautiful is a friend who has walked in your shoes and offers grace. Thank u.

the night before thanksgiving

not a creature was stirring!

actually i had one extra child sleeping in my bed and one extra child on the floor, all so the mothers could head out for dinner!

Grandma was babysitting my two and my friends two.

There were four of us for dinner. A lovely restaurant.

Lemon chicken pasta salad looked delicious but i ordered the lamb chop which had to be cooked again as it was running around on my plate - ahhhhh, why on earth did i order the lamb chop? Did really need to go back to my childhood cravings?

Everyone was a bit sheepish about sharing their 'thanksgiving note' (a small idea i'd had for a few years) but we somehow got brave and did it. Funny being worried about it as it was a beautiful moment in the evening. It was simple, grateful and straight to the point. One wrote a poem, another included a bible verse, one wrote of being thankful for her red kenwood mixer and her singleness (loved those fun thoughts) and i wrote this:

I am thankful for the ride (i thought it was hannah montana but she sings being 'thankful for the climb' That's what i meant!). I'm thankful that along the journey of my life there are stops along the way, like refreshments in the form of laugh,s beautiful friends, moments where He speaks through creation, humour, movies, even tears and especially prayers.

I'm thankful that in my brokeness he adores me (Chris Tomlins - "he sees the depths of my heart and loves me the same").

It was the coolest wee thing in the middle of a meal. We felt so silly at first but it was lovely sharing those thoughts of gratefulness.

thank you America for having thanksgiving day. We stole the idea and will do it again next year i hope!

Gutted i forgot the camera.

lovely starts to days

The girls blessed their ma this morning by secretly (as secretly as a 5 and 7 year old can - bang, crash, susshh) getting their bags ready, breakfast made and themselves correctly dressed for the day, without one mention from me!

They were so excited to surprise me. it was very cool.

The older one is quite fascinated with boys at the moment, the talk of kissing or seeing it on a movie, suggesting that her sister has a boyfriend and all sorts of things like that. We talked about how it is a normal thing to be friends with a boy and that she needed to work on making it normal and not a big and silly thing!

The younger one is quite a natural at being friends with boys. She has one who wants to marry her (she isn't aware of this) and one that told her he loved her out of everyone, as they played in the sandpit together. Funny, it is rather cute and provides a great platform for some motherly input.

Here is Christmas, yes a little early but here it is.

The lounge is already on the teeny side so add a Christmas tree and some tinsel, we're all full at the inn! Girls are going to d's this weekend so thought we would get the christmas feel for as long as we can before we have to take them down. I am constantly on alert for what is coming up and how i'll cope or manage (or control-freak it!).

I'm not blasting the girls with presents just because i want to feel like the 'better' parent. I've been careful and thoughtful not to spend heaps and also to get appropriate sized and numbers. I've chosen to do their presents when they get home from christmas with d, so they can appreciate them then, rather than forget them. I could have waited till the boxing day sales!

I read a sign this morning on a blackboard - "Buggar, only two pays left till christmas". It's true - i love Christmas and i'm wondering how this first one of this kind, will be. No kids. Will the fun of christmas be present without kids to wake up and harrass about presents? Will i want to just sleep in? Will i cry? ah yeah for sure. Will I be OK? i think yes. i only think yes because i've realised that the weeks prior to a potential emotional storm of sorts, i'm anxious and carrying it close to me heart. And then the time comes and it's usually better than i expect.

That's good aye.

Anyway, not sure why i wrote what i wrote today but in all things there is good and lessons and stuff. I'm getting older and hopefully slightly wiser.

This is a chicken pie i made today, slapped it together and shoved a lid on top - doesn't it look like it! last night i tried a potato bake thing from the latest dish mag. I did it my own kind of way, it took about 7 hours to cook and it was pretty bad. I'm hoping for a better cooking day soon! oh a few friends and i are going out for thanksgiving this week. We are going to a restaurant but with a small note of thanks from each person. We will share these round and read them out, anonymous. It's an idea i've had for awhileland perhaps should have some pumpkin pie but for now it's a great excuse to go out and not have to cook and to be THANKful.

I am thankful to you God. I am thankful for my wonderful friends and family. God bless.

a little bit of Christmas

After reading other blogs, I’ve def started thinking Christmas! I’ve bought presents and even wrapped them so I’m not left with wrapping till midnight on Christmas eve!

Here is a little of our thinking. We’ve been saving yoghurt containers for months with the purpose of making them into gifts to give others at Christmas. I’m hopeful the girls will not just give to their mates. I will be encouraging them to give to neighbours and others who maybe need a ‘lift’. God gave his only son for us. What a giver. I’m hopeful that we can catch that spirit of giving too.

So the yoghurt containers are being decorated and the cookies are starting to be made (and frozen till needed). All good fun.

Not much cost either!

Things I’m thinking about at the mo ……

My hands are covered with superglu. It oozed out when I opened the new packet and went all over my hands. It’s not painful but it is painful as I look like I have some leprous disease on my hands. It’s kind of like the coolness of having PVA stuck to your hands except it’s way harder to get off!

12. I’ve loved that number for the last year. I’ve appreciated it when I’ve gone into shops and assistants have said I’m definately that number. I’m slightly scared of 14 at the moment, but I’ve def been loving 12. I was glad when I got pnemonia, that I wasn’t hungry for about 3 days. I thought that would help maintain that 12 or even lessen it. That was a short-lived moment and due to the lack of walking and the continued joy of the ‘lonely-night’ snacks, I’m more worried about 14 than the joy of 12! Moving to a new city and not knowing many folk, they met me as I was. Me, 5 or so kg’s lighter than I was previously to the move. All induced by the stress of a husband who wasn’t wanting to be one and the prickles or stabbings of pain that went with that. People here have mostly only known me to be closer to the 12 and not the 14. I laugh as I write this. I know it doesn’t matter what size I am to God. I must confess however, that it’s probably the one bonus from the whole disaster zone, that I’ve enjoyed. Being slighter. Feeling a little more confident. So 12, you can stay. I like you, a lot. As I type this I am noticing little bits of white superglu flickering their way around the keyboard. Crazy.

The landlord is putting insulation in the floor and ceiling and a proper fireplace with a special system that pumps it throughout the house! This is an answer to prayer and I’m stoked. We live in a beautiful wee place but it’s also an icebox.

The lettuces and tomato plants are growing. I’ve even planted a corgette plant so I’m hopeful for that one to produce! Do I need to talk to them too? I’ve quite enjoyed watching the growth and I’ve enjoyed the feeling of success.

I was praying with a friend the other day explaining that I’m a little tired of the tension of having faith for d to come back and living in the reality of what it actually looks like – zippo. She is great, I can say anything and she always draws me back into prayer no matter what we are talking about. She prayed about a yappy dog and how it keeps bringing the ball back and back, like the persistent widow in the bible. After the prayers, I wrote the words ‘yappy dog’ down, to remind me to keep coming back to God.

My friend Amy is writing about ‘light’ at the moment. Thank you God, You are the light in the darkness. You are the way, the truth and the life. You are my way, my truth and my life. You are my superglu.

How precious we are to Him

Recently I was in a worship time in a small room of woman, with a cd player, just listening and waiting. Sometimes i hear nothing when i do this but this time there was an overwhelming sense of Him doing something in me.
I immediately (when the CD started) got a picture of a painted work in a friends office.
I had been in love with this picture and how crazy it was that the girls leaping out was a cute wee poppet and that she was smiling and looking so darn cute.
It kind of made me laugh. It definately made me smile.
Anyway as i was recalling this i got some words floating round in my head: Let go. Let go. Let go.

Probably after 20 minutes of sitting in this lovely time, two trusted and delicious woman came along praying for each woman. I had already thought that the picture i was reminded of and the words i was given by Him were enough. But no. The message really needed to get through to me.

The first lady, Margie, got a picture of big hand with a little girl - she called her Thumberlina (and asked if i knew the story). She said that the the Thumberlina was tiny in His hand and felt God wanted to tell me that He can handle anything, as we keep looking at Him. She described a picture of the wee Thumberlina shaking her wee fist at the Maker. Nothing was too much for Him to handle. She encouraged me to point my frustration or whatever, to Him. Another picture came of Thumberlina lying on the ground turning her face away from the Maker. I was encouraged to keep looking at Him.
The second lady, talked of me letting go.

So to have a word from God, given twice, is a pretty clear message. I am daily having to let go of the control i like to have or need to have even if i haven't really got it! Possibly doesn't make sense BUT i'm learning to abandon myself to Him, leaping out like the wee princess in the picture.

The priviledge of being invited

We were heading off to a fun night of fire works and it was an honour to be invited. It was the best night I’d had in ages. It was a prime example of people making fun for themselves and others and for creating and continuing traditions. Like Sat am pancakes, but way better!
The girls, 5 and 7, were both so excited.
“oh mum, it is so nice of kitty to invite us”, spoken on the way there.
And from the moment we arrived, we were captivated, included and loved.

The truck ride came first


Followed by an egg hunt and an obstacle course ……



The lolly man (chase him and grab as many lollies off his shirt as possible, share them with others who didn’t get many),



And some tubing full of icecream.


During the evening, a craft room where the girls made themselves at home

The final curtain was fireworks, with glow sticks, blankets and ear muffs for little ears. We were happy campers as we left in the dark, talking all the way home about how special it was to be invited.

To finish, 'go bananas bread'. It's delicious, thanks Donna Hay kids Annual 6!
130g soft butter
1 C brown sugar
1 t vanilla essence
2 eggs
3 bananas
1 1/2 C flour
1 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1/4 t ground cinnamon
1/4 C maple syrup

1. Oven to 160 degrees

2. line loaf tin (large one)

3. beat butter, sugar and vanilla until it's pale brown and creamy. slowly add eggs and beat until well mixed

4. Mash the banana with a fork and add to batter

5. Sift the flour, b powder and b soda. chuck in the cinnamon and maple syrup.

6. Beat until everything is mixed in

7. Bake for one hour

The 7 year young

I had planned to write about K with these photos for her 7th birthday, i forgot though!



There are never too many photos i find. Thank you God for photographs.
Thank you God for K.

Turning my face

Our yearly birthday family photo in bed, emmmm sexy

Again I have an assignment due and I haven’t started. But I’ve had thoughts again and again and have lacked the time to get them down in my on-line journal. I read other peoples blogs, ones who have committed themselves to writing daily and I feel exhausted by that! But I love reading them and I know this is a super thing for me to do.

I’m feeling a bit dumb. Loving being a mum doing what I’m doing (helping at church, walking for fitness, catching up with people hopefully encouraging them and cleaning the house of course) but feel a little like a dumbo for doing just that. I don’t even know what I’d do given the chance. My mum encouraged me to get a retail job the other day – because I’m good with people. It would have to be the right one. I think I’d hate tidying clothes up but I’d love helping people find what looks good on them. What about a job that helps males shop for clothes? That could be fun. Probably the most satisfied I’ve ever felt is when I’ve worked with kids in teaching. But do I need to go back to what I’ve known? Is this a fresh chance for something new? I have no idea.
So I feel a little bit overwhelmed by things like – ‘where will we live next year if the landlord doesn’t make our beautiful house warmer?’ and ‘what will I do for work?’ and ‘what will I do when the two years is up from being separated from the boy I married’ and ‘do I sell my car?’ etc. These are annoying but important questions for me at the mo.
I want to give all this to the King of my heart who is our God. Your plans are good, may I be reminded of that more and more as we approach the end of the year. I turn my face to You.



K you turned 7 last Fri.
You are such a blessing. You make me laugh and smile all at once.
I am constantly smiling inside and out when you surprise me with a cuddle in bed and you don’t just want to lie there, you want to be close!
I saw you reading in a tree the other day, with two cushions and a towel to help.
I love your brain and how it ticks. You articulate yourself well even in the midst of a ‘mummy’ storm. Last night you cleared the heavy atmosphere with just one sentence. I was humbled and the truth was bought to the light. I need you. Our family needs you. You are amazing.
You are a beautiful writer, a creative storyteller and player, one who loves time by herself or time with scrillions of others.
You care for the lost or the lonely.
You have a moral conscience which I pray keeps getting built by His ways.




You have a cute dress sense yet you don’t mind getting mucky to have fun.
You are a princess. You ask questions of yourself without even speaking – do I look pretty? Am I good enough for this?
You sometimes doubt your ability but are learning to persevere and see success.
You love adventure. You want adventure. You dance and sing for us, sometimes without even knowing. You can change the atmosphere of a room just by being YOU.
I adore you. I’m sorry when I’m rough towards you and when I don’t notice you need something from me. I pray that I would know more and more how to help you and how to be with you. I love it that you want to do stuff with me. Thanks for wanting to ride or scooter into town to climb trees or have a fluffy with me.



My prayer for you is that you would stay soft towards the God who is your Heavenly Dad. I pray that you would know Him and His unlimited love for you. I pray that you would be someone that hears his Word and obeys it, one day giving your life up for His Kingdom.
Happy Birthday my precious girl. You are still as cute today as you were when you were born. May you always turn your face to the King

small reminder note

i have much to blog about but somewhere my 'blog time' has been eaten up.

Alas i shall get to it.

In the meantime, a quick note to remind me of something great that was talked of at church today.

We don't worship God because he has a big ego and needs our Praise. We worship because of who He is and who we are. As we worship, we are reminded about who He is and our place before Him.

Simple but so true. He is God. I am me. little me.

Holy is the Lord God Almighty. Who was and who is and who is to come.

Blessing and Honour and Glory and Power forever.

(Rev 4 and 5)

Summer and good friends

Finally summer bullied out winter, even when rain was forecast.
Bliss. The girls made the most of the smiling sun, climbing trees and taking their indoor stories, outdoors, for a scenery change!


A visit from a wine-bearing friend,

A present from her kind mother for our Christmas deco's

A green thumb friend wanting to help me become one. Thanks Han, hope we don't kill the potential lettuces,

A river visit and fabulous food all combined to make a great long weekend.