Dear Aunty Sez

This is a funny one Sez .......

I had to tell you about it ...... it bought tears to some eyes!

You are regarded so highly in our whare, smiles fill the hut when we talk of you or stare with our google eyes at photos of you, reliving fantastic memories or telling stories of YOU!!

Grandma is here and loves spinning stories with the girls. They often want her to tell a story of some memory of the family ...... yesterdays was no different.

"Grandma, who named me?" said this little dear heart.

I was on the phone, so when i finished there, I had to take over and explained ........

"Your dad and I had thought of a boys name but not a girls name, so we left it for a few days!!! And your Aunty Sarah rang from London to hurry us up and she encouraged us to call you Olivia Kate, because she loved those names. So your Aunty Sarah named you reallly!"

I did not expect this next response. Tears. Little tears pouring down Livvy Lou's cheeks. Tears of joy. Olivia from Bolivia hid her face in the pillow with shy-ness. She didn't have any other explanation other than she felt special, that you, precious Sarah Anne, had helped name her.

Olivia wanted me to tell you this story Aunty Sez. She was not embarrassed that she cried, or worried, just another confirmation of who she is and that she is important and valuable to me and to YOU!

Thanks Aunty S. You are precious indeed.

Oh hey, check out my latest du - felt a little like you whilst getting my head done today. I let my friend Lee cut my hair how she felt best, i have an undercut (like a girls one), long sidies and a straight fringe again (hard to take a photo of myself sorry). Fun, just like you sez. You inspire me, even with your head! Hope you got on the bus today and turned on your cool phone, and found this nice wee story to start your day (actually its prob lunch by now! time for bed for me!). Always loving u.

He watches

He does.

He watches over our comings and goings. That's all good and worth dwelling on. Simple - He, the God of the Universe, watches over us, over our lives.

The girls were in a dance concert on the weekend. Their first one. It was so cute and so worth the effort and practice, money and make-up.

What I loved was this: They loved it. They shone and sparkled with confidence.

I also loved that it was a short snippets from all the dance classes. Not a long and drawn out concert.

Later that day, i got to put some effort in, some make-up on and turn into a cow-girl who had 13 kids. A murder mystery night.

So much fun, I wasn't the killer but had fun finding out who was, over dinner, drink and pretending for a few hours, that i wasn't who i was.

storming in a tea cup

Today I have not liked you.

Today was like a bad dream, a storm in a tea-cup.

Today, you were going so well, you were so on time, time for a cup of tea from the pot and maybe even a hot crumpet (rather than the normal cold one made and then forgotten till time has nearly run out).

But alas, today got grumpier and meaner. It turned into a midwinter storm that wouldn't stop, enabling other little storms to rear their head. Eventually innocent weather turned to stormy thunderstruck turmoil where not a single pair of shoes could be found for the 7 year old to wear. Admittedly she chose not to find these foot-covers but she had good reason after the battering storm had hit her, again and again with verbal turbulence.

Today was not started well. By 8:30 - AM, all three sailors in the ship of our house were crying their eyes out, weeping rainclouds upon the hardened hearts of wrong words spoken in stormy-stinky-pooh moments.

Today the master of the ship was a wreck-age. She was lost and broken and fearful for the harm she had caused to her sailors. No matter how she adores them, she felt incredible failure and heartbreak. The captain of the ship needed to walk the plank.

Fortunately she didn't, she turned the ship around by suggesting (never done this before by the way!), a total change of direction - a hashbrown or a hot chocolate at mcdonalds, before school. As captain 'sadness' headed the black ship to the yellow arches, the small sailors were beside themselves. how could a ship suddenly change direction like this? She told them again of how sorry she was for being a useless captain and how she hoped they could forgive her as she again tried to be a better leader.

She kissed them in goodbye in true captain style, lipstick on their cheeks, as they soldiered onto school with their 'good morning' reminder of forgiveness, repentance and choices. A good captain isn't one just by buying something from the yellow-arched-fix-it-shop but a good captain shows that not everything has to be bad.

To be honest, the captain's day didn't have any less tears in the tea-cup but as the captain cried her way through the day, she was aware she was surrounded by dear friends, by prayerful hearts and by truth.

I have felt quite low (sorry to be repetitive) , esp in my parenting which is my patience and grace for the girls. I am embarassed by myself, if the walls could speak. I am praying for grace and wisdom. I am finding it hard to do this alone. Today and for the last few weeks, it's been hard.

The truth is i don't want to parent the way that I am. I do some ok things for sure but i'm not doing so well in parenting alone, just at the moment.

To even talk about it with others, is hard. To admit disappointment in myself as a capable parent, is difficult for me.

I'm needing a bit of captainry myself.

I miss my brothers being around, the strong male influences in my life, the wisdom and guidance from a mans eyes, that i would look too now as the next best thing to the long-lost husband at sea. I hope to call you real soon little and big brother.

Over and out, not from the drunken sailor, but from the one who does her best to see the rainbow coming after the rain.

I am stupidly reading 3 books at the moment - 'eat pray love' by Elizabeth Gilbert, 'A long obedience in the same direction' by Eugene Peterson and a funny wee one by Father pat Connor, 'Whom not to marry'.

Silly me, silly me. Reading three at the same time. it simply means none of them get finished very quickly at all. I have an assignment due on the middle one, in two weeks so that should find it's way to the top of the list, i'm hoping.

I went to hear Peta Mathias (NZ chef, tv presenter, very funny lady) at our local convention centre, tickets were $5. Legendary. She is taking gastronomic tours in Italy, France and Morroco. We talked after where we would like to go and we probably should have all said Marrakesh in Morrocco because that sounds like the most adventurous (pigeon pie, mud houses, extreme heat) but i agreed I'd like to visit Italy given half the chance.

Some italian phrases i've found in the above reading ........

un' amica stretta means "a close friend" But stretta literally means tight, as in clothing, like a tight skirt. So a close friend, in Italian, is one you can wear tightly, snug against your skin.

bel far niente means "the beauty of doing nothing".

l'arte d'arrangiarsi - the art of making something out of nothing. The art of turning a few simple ingredients into a feast, or a few gathered friends into a festival. Anyone with a talent for happiness can do this, not only the rich.

Just a few wee quotes that i'm liking. No speakie italian here but i'd give it a go even as art on my wall!

The girls got their hair cut this week (not shown in photo) and both asked for fringes, they look so cute and trendy. I'm liking it. K takes a few more minutes in the morning getting used to her fringe, putting it in the right place. L simply doesn't like it and wants her normal head back. I think she looks nice so we'll work on the arrangement of her head for helping her feel better about it.

Today L has a party which she is very excited about and K and I may visit a family from her school, who have just lost a son. We will take cake and we will hopefully sit with them and experience some of their loss. This will be good for K i'm sure. We have prayed for this family, such a huge grief, making our small annoyances in life seem insignificantly minute.

I love the jewish practice of sitting 'shiver' (i think that is the spelling). The practice is just to go and sit with the family who have suffered, sometimes for days and days. It's a practice that is in place to remind them (and us) that Jesus sits with us in our own grief. Beautiful.

This post had no real point to it really, it's a mixture of my ramblings or current thoughts, nothing too revelationary but that is where it's at for us this week. Hoping for you, wherever you are at, that you are able to relax and do nothing, even if it is just to experience Him a wee bit more.

I have felt a little like Bridget Jones in her second film where she is convicted of carrying drugs and ends up in a Thai prison (thinking there is not much chance of that at present!). She says “I’m feeling a little low”. Me too.

I don’t write this because I’m feeling sorry for myself but for the simple truth that it is.

I can put it down to a few things but the feeling of being empty inside is prob how I’d describe it. A little bit like I’m there but I’m not. Running a little low on petrol (which is true for my car at the mo, too!). I’ve found it a long week or two, being a mum on her own. I’ve found the ‘sweet-hearts’ have been arguing non-stop and that has done me in a bit. A lot I guess.

So I’m trying to keep it simple, be positive and all that guff. I’m trying to remember that this is part and parcel of humanity, and that part of my faith-journey is climbing a few mountains that I don’t feel like. Parts of it are lonely and parts are overwhelming. But that is reality in a life lived in this world.

I do like Bridget Jones, she’s quite funny, she’s very human, she fails quite often but also gets back up and tries again. I could write all the things I’m thankful for but not today. I def am thankful and can see some really great things around me. I read a beautiful part of a book today (quote below) which was encouraging which leads me to say I’m down but not out. I’m mostly writing just to get it out of my silly little head, onto my cute little blog. Amen.

Hoping does not mean doing nothing. It is not fatalistic resignation. It means going about our assigned tasks, confident that God will provide the meaning and the conclusions. It is not compelled to work away at keeping up appearances with a bogus spirituality. It is the opposite of desperate and panicky manipulations, of scurrying and worrying.

It is a willingness to let God do it his way and in his time. Eugene Peterson, Long obedience in the same direction.

Not sure about the new layout of the page, a bit much lace, but i seemed to have some weird things coming up on my page so needed to do something!

Long time no write .......

Had a fabulous week a few weeks ago. But in between that week and now i do remember some other funny things, like how L (the 6 year old) jumped up and down, naked, showing me how she had big hooters. She didn't call them that please note. I laughed. Today she told me mine were the biggest in the world and i laughed again knowing that not to be true! That same child told me about how to kiss. She made me be the boy (this was a marriage kiss please note) and i had to have my head on a certain angle going in. She kept her head straight and provided a lovely kiss. Apparantly those kisses only happen once, thank you movies!!

Over the last few weeks i've had the joy of seeing some wonderful friends, all whose names start with A. Thanks Ange and Andrew for the wonderful weekend when you came to stay, joy joy i say!

Thanks Abs for the blissful time of fun in Auckland, it was fun because i was with you! Lovely lovely to see Alex, my cousy, with her new babe. Delightful lamb-like chuckles came from the wee babe Cael as he tried to sleep.

So the week that was so great was a week that stretched me in my faith. I have enjoyed a closer encounter with my God over the last few years, just being more at home with chatting away to Him and realising His ever-present nearness in times of quiet and pain. It's been good. I was challenged recently in how else i acted out my faith. So my weekly-praying friend prayed about it on Monday and then Tues it all started.

I got asked to speak at church. It took me about 12 hours to say yes, which meant i had only 3 days left to prep. ahhhhhh, what an opportunity. one i hadn't been invited into for a few years. Then i recall praying as i walked down the drive at school, heading to teach a few kids about God in Religious Ed time, about teaching and how i hadn't committed to getting back into it (just one of those other thoughts floating around this head of mine!). No sooner had i started teaching, than i got asked by the normal classroom teacher to fill in, she was sick, suddenly!

My friend answered for me - "Yes she'll do it" as i was a bit stunned, and also thinking about how this particular day was the one day i'd wanted and had devoted to getting prepped for Sunday speaking at church. My incredibly insightful, faith-filled friend just told me to trust God. So i taught. I was chucked in the deep end, no plan really, but a wonderful confirming day.

And the story finishes with a fabulous experience for me where i wanted to trust God more and i had plenty of opportunity to do that. Teaching, preaching. Sunday went so well, felt like i was at home sharing about God with loads of people, got encouraged and had fun (bonus).

My friend Ros reminded at the beginning of the week about blind Bartimaeus and how Jesus asked him what he wanted. He simply said he wanted to see. That week I asked Jesus simply to help me do a good job with sharing. to be confident and for it not to be hard to prepare (esp considering the short time frame). He cares so much about me. He cares so much about You.

I guess I write this to remind me later on when i may forget, that He is into me. That He has made me the way I am. That he uses me to help others, even through my own pain or situation.

He is good.