Back to basics

I haven’t blogged for awhile. I have felt guilty, again, for not doing something on my ‘to-do-list’. I haven’t even known what to write and now as I type, I still hardly know what will come out.
But I remind myself that blogging has been good for me. I think in some ways I’ve been drawn to myself and all that I’m learning about me over this time, that I’ve forgotten about Him. I’ve forgotten to get friends to pray for me. I’ve forgotten to think about Him and focus on Him, when I’ve been to the depths again this week. But ye ha, my brain is not completely fried and I’ve been reminded, so softly, to get my thinking, my heart, my focus, back on Him, my God. I’ve had Psalm 23 recalled to my spirit, I’ve read verses aloud that have bought me life and now they do again.
These past two weeks have been very hard for me. The last few days I’ve done a lot of crying – for no particular reason. My face has been melting a lot. Someone asked me if d had been mean. Not really, nothing too mean. It’s just all got on top of me again. Where is all of this going and where will I be at the end of it? I had a friend in a similar situation say she wanted all the pain to go away. I can understand that and I know I’ve said that too. But I’m also acutely aware that the pain I’m experiencing has some meaning and is doing something more than I can see.
I can be quite positive even in the worst of times. A helpful attitude mostly?!
Winter can be described as being a dark season – no colour, blandness with some frosty side effects. One author describes summer as being full of beauty and bountiful yet the beauty of winter is amazing – it’s starkness helps you see a tree as it really is, bare and very clear. I can kind of understand that in my winter time at present. I have seen the blossoms forming ain this last week nd it makes me feel closer to some kind of light in my own small world.
As I reread what I’ve written I think my thoughts are all over the place. They are. I feel worry about the future as for the first time, I can’t see what lies ahead. I feel fearful of that too. I am compelled to trust God who holds me in his hands. I am saying again and again: God you have good plans for our family, plans to bring about the future we hope for (Jer 29:11). I am also asking friends again, to pray with me. It seems to be such a strength and each time I feel much better, no matter the length of the prayer.
Psalm 40 – (my paraphrase). You heard my cry and lifted me out of the mirey clay – you set my feet upon a rock and you put a new song in my heart, that many would see and hear about you through me.
At the end-ish of the psalm, it talks about how you are my deliverer and to not tarry. Please don’t tarry God.