words are few, tears are loud.

It's been a rough few days. Possibly due to me being a bit of a stupid ning-nong but also because of our reality. It was such delight to get these photos in the post tonight. Thank you my sweet Anna-lady! I marvel at your work.

I've felt lonely and frustrated in parenting. I've found the girls difficult over the last few days, hard to believe when you look at these photos, what darlings! Arguing, bickering, putting each other down and not doing what i ask, has added up to me having feelings of despair and 'hide-in-the-wardrobe' retreat. I find solace in tears. I find i surrender to icecream with delicious toffee sauce.

The girls have 2 weekends in a row with d and i feel so left out of their wee worlds. I never have a problem keeping myself entertained over these times. That part is easy. But I feel like there is this black hole of nothingness, what are they doing i wonder? Where are they now and are they OK? It seems a little silly thinking about it, but it isn't a natural thing. I mostly would know where they, i guess i just feel a little left out. On purpose.

I miss D. Today and yesterday i miss him. Going to concerts on my own, going to parties on my own. Going to church on my own or on our own. It's not quite the same.

I am pretty fine with it, but some days it just rains with sadness and missing the other part that was 'us'.

Anyway something that was so cool - on our way home from the girls being away, they sang me songs about how much they loved me. they were made-up, on-the-spot, melody-inspired, kids songs. I was in heaven.

Sometimes when it seems overwhelming, I forget about the good stuff.

To Breathe (that's a gift indeed)

To think about the good times (hopefully there have been some that day)

To Cry (weeping is so good apart from the puffy eye syndrome the next day)

To turn to Him, who is always there....

Ps 18 .....v 18b but the Lord was my support

v 16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me

v 6 in my distress i called to the Lord;

i cried to my God for help

From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears