2 years and counting

Looking back over the last two years is a good thing to indulge in:

Fabulous new friends who have been life to me and the girls.

Surprise gifts of money in the letterbox, my handbag, a chewing gum container, posted many times, adding up to well over 4 g. We have been blessed.

Parcels in the mail, just because people want to surprise us.

A dear friend ringing faithfully every Mon to pray with me no matter what my emotions are doing. Always a prayer. Always a mention of scripture to encourage.

Finding the creative side in me.

Buying a new wardrobe of clothes miraculously. Amazing. Fun!

A trip to London and beyond.

Food parcels, diet coke by the box-full, firewood, lamb and venison to fill the freezer, vouchers, coffee (so much coffee), cards, emails ….

A beautiful cottage to live in, in a fabulous suburb

Older and wiser people visiting and allowing me to visit and wallow or inquire

Having a voice to ask for help and using that voice

Being accepted with the gifting I have and being used in that @ church

Ah so much to remember and to remind what God has done in this time. To be able to look at a painful period in my life and to say there was joy and love and definitely laughter.

Discovering a small liking of wine, not an indulgent liking thankfully.

Going to movies with my mum. My mum giving us so much, my brothers and their families doing the same.

The visits from youth and families that were in our church previous to now and them valuing who I am and not distancing themselves because of where I’m at.

Flowers – so many flowers

Sharing and praying and teaching my girls through this time. Knowing that what we have been through will help others and will aid us in the future.

The countdown is on. This weekend d will come and talk. Not really sure what I think about it all. It’s pretty obvious in many ways that it will be the end.

It’s been two years. L turns 6 next week and it was on that day that d announced his unlove for me in a undemonstrative way. I’m hoping this week will go fast with school going back etc. I’m hopeful in God that I’ll not erupt like a lava-filled mountain but will have some clues beforehand as to how I can respond to whatever the heck d may say.

As I’ve admitted before, I get anxious before big situations and I anticipate it all going rather badly. I’ve already planned some meanish things I can say on the weekend to him, so this week I’ll try and boot them out of the way, so that I don’t feel the need to protect myself from rejection. Big sentence. I always find that I needn’t have anticipated the worst outcome of a situation and that God pleasantly surprises me.

Things to think about this week: There are some options with jobs this year, so I’m going to look into that this week. Exciting. Planning L’s no 6 cake is on the agenda plus the invites – ahhhhh. Covering school books. Meal planning? Baking stuff for school lunches. Focusing on the known and not the unknown.

Planetshakers latest album has a song, which has a line or two saying this: 'You are good all the time and your love endures forever'. That is the known. The weekend is the unknown and that makes it scary. But I will try and sit and relax in the known.