In my dreams

So I had this dream ……… several actually, about this guy who I hardly know. Similar situation to me. His wife left him. We haven’t talked about it at all, it’s just what I’ve heard. Funny thing is, even though I’ve only talked a few sentences to him, at the various occasions we’ve both been at, I have had him visit my dreams.
Poor guy. In the first dream we were at a party. I said I hadn’t had a ‘pash’ for ages and would he be up for it. He he. Of course the guy was. That’s as far as it went as I woke up. Good thing. Second dream was where I was hanging out more with him watching movies etc at our house. I woke up and was bothered for the whole day about these dreams. I drew tree diagrams in my head of all the reasons that it wouldn’t be a good idea to pursue something with him. But I did keep thinking about it and sometimes it was nice to think about. Anyway after all that, it doesn’t matter particularly who the dream was about, (it could have been anyone representing the ‘male’), I realised it was about how I missed having a male around. I have always missed having my dad around as he died when I was 11. I have loved hugs from older friends who are men, as they kind of represent what my dad would have been/done. So now having lost a 2nd significant male in my life, I’m feeling pretty low about it. I miss the hugs, the touch, the companionship and the intimacy. I am sad. It has freaked me out to realise how vulnerable I am and how I felt such a strong pull to do something that I know is not something I want to do.
This is a significant 2nd loss for me and I am feeling it immensely. I have explained it to God in simple terms, repeating it over and over with tears: I miss not having a dad. I miss not having d. And that’s ok that that is all that comes out. Its’ raw and truthful and there need not be any fancier words.