voices in my head?!

Well there definitely aren’t spooky voices telling me to do dumb things. Thankfully. But there are the voices of the wise around me, that I am so grateful for. Sometimes I get out of balance with what I’m thinking – someone like d, who was a once trusted and dear voice, says something totally unrecognizable and I start wondering: emmm maybe I do need a job, or maybe I am not clothing the girls well. Ha. The funny things we get thrown at us. It has become confusing at times for me, to hear these voices or messages which conflict with what my heart thinks and what my mind knows is OK and true.
So new thoughts, confused babblings rattle around in my once semi-sane head and I begin to doubt myself. There are a few things happening for me here – I could and would entrust myself to d’s wisdom and solid advice. It seemed godly and it was. Now it’s a bit twisted, slightly mental, crazy infact. The gracious side of myself thinks that maybe I’m the mean one. I weigh up the things he throws at me and I toss them around a bit even though I defend myself infront of him, in a mostly nice way. The words of one are powerful, that is written in the word and I’ve believed that as truth for an eon. But how they can throw my balanced life, has struck me in this season. I doubt some of the clear thinking and I’m like “why am I suddenly being tossed about on the sea like a boat going everywhere except for it’s destination?”
And then these still soft messages come. And I am glad of them. They come from delicious family and delightful friends. The ones who tell me it’s OK and that I don’t need to do things that are thrown at me. They help me get balanced again on this ragged road. I am so glad of the wise sages amongst me. The friends who say beautiful things which bring peace and not hostility.
The other beautiful thoughts come from my God. He whispers, reminding me who I am, of how to say sorry when I need too and of small but beautiful ideas and ways to mend where there are big tears in the fabric of our life.
I love it that You desire truth in my inmost being (Psalm 50) and that You want to walk with me still. You are an incredible God.
As a family we are doing lent, considering the girls are so young – it’s a very fluid form of lent. Lent is from the 10th century. Wow. We were talking about fasting from something and K thought I could ‘give-up’ using my cross voice! I asked her if she could consider giving up ‘not doing what mummy says so the cross voice has to come out!’. We all laughed and made it a joke. The girls talked about giving up playing with toys, eating fruit and vege (don’t think they got it at all when we first talked about it) and other musings. It’s such a lovely practice. It will be something that grows each year as we continue to journey with Him. Lent will perhaps become part of the make-up of our family, I hope so. K said the other day :”Mum, the Israelites had faith to leave Egypt didn’t they?!” Yes they did. What did this mean to her and where on earth did she get those words? God is adding layers and layers of himself as we discuss Him and read about Him and sing of Him.
I told the girls how God is looking after us (in a financial sense) and how he had blessed us in lots of ways. As we were walking to school today I explained about how I had seen k’s dressing gown was a size 3 and because she is 6 now, we needed to buy a bigger one. I then told her that I told God that we needed one please! 2 days later a friend gave us a size 8 one without me mentioning it! I was so stoked. K was more impressed with the fact that it was purple than the fact God had given it to us. That’s OK, she’ll get it, layer by layer.