the pot of all pots

I’ve been using her for awhile now. She truly makes my day go better. 3 min prep at the most some days and then I’m set. Arriving home to her sweet smells, is one of those things that helps make life worth living.

Tom night I’m attending a crock-pot evening with Alyson Gofton. I quite like those kinds of things, learning new things to do with my old thing. My crock-pot has become one of the best presents I’ve ever been given. Hopefully I can share some helpful hints another day after having time with Alyson.

Every Tues I get together with a few friends at my local pad/café. We banter on about our kids homework pressures, the latest happening at church along with our latest cooking disasters/exploits. It’s really cool. It’s fun mostly, challenging in helping one another with different things going on in our lives. Some of us are going to this crocking potting evening. I’m a huge initiator of activities, love organizing get-togethers with others. I’m often thinking of stuff to do – where can I have a mid-winter Christmas dinner and who will it be with? Which café might we try next for our dessert night?

I recall as a young girl my mum saying that friends of hers had told her to go home and read a book, when they were planning to go out together by themselves. She must have commented on how lonely that felt (as dad had died) or something along those lines. I’m thinking that me organizing stuff is such a great thing, but I’m having to recognise that sometimes I do get disappointed if my plans don’t come about. It’s not the same being on your own when plans may fall through. And it’s not something that I want to grumble about because pure and simple, that’s life. I think what I get is, I’m understanding that at times I feel that same sense (not on the same level) of abandonment that I felt when d left me. A little loss of control and a creeping-in of that celine dion song, “all by myself”, he he.

Saying to myself: ‘I’m feeling a little abandoned today’ and following that with, ‘and that’s OK’. Even just to be able to acknowledge that, name it, is and can be quite significant. Sounds weird but it is goodness.

The opposite feeling to that is an overwhelmed feeling and I think I’ve experienced a big amount of that over the last few weeks. I haven’t allowed myself much time to relax with myself so it has become foreign. I’ve worried about stuff and not known how to share it or where to even start. Coming home and having ‘alone’ time is usually filled with folding the washing (ah sigh) or putting the tatoes on to boil. And when presented with time and no jobs, I feel sometimes like I’m in a foreign country not knowing the language. Ahh what do I do?

So I’m conscious of a few things that are going on in my noggin, realizing I need to discover again what things give me joy. I walked the other day, after many a day of not walking. It was bliss. I could breathe the air in and talk to Father God. I’d forgotten how great it felt. I’ve enjoyed blogging heaps in the past, but have felt lately it’s a little like a task I need to tick off, rather than what it actually is – life to my thoughts. Clarity to my noggin. Breathing space for my heart. Maybe I need one of those cool iphones/blueberries (as a friend called them once in a guessing game) or something so I can jot down my thoughts as I ride around town doing the business of life. I’ve also done a lot more talking to God about the different things by simply asking him to shine his light in my dark or worried places. I’ve asked Him to help show me the way to walk as I feel the different things at this moment.

Prov 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart (shine your light where I don’t trust you Lord). Lean not on your own understanding (sometimes I have no idea what is going on for me – my understanding is zilch), in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths (I do acknowledge you God, that you are a good God, a loving and caring, faithful and consistent, all-knowing bountiful God).

Currently my crocking potting meals are corn beef (ah der – that is so familiar to most nz families),frozen chicken covered in some kind of herb rubbing on low all day – perfecto! pork (slides off the fork it’s so tender), beef – delicious with garlic and rosemary rubbed into it, and sometimes I just chuck some chicken pieces in and hope for the best. I’ll share some more goodies if there are any from my next big social event tom pm. Love me

Where art thou oh Sarah?

I've been out all week.
I haven't been home much at all.
I've been having loads of fun of course but I haven't seemed to connect my head with my heart.
I'm not quite sure where I'm at, not that i'm feeling i'm in a bad way.
But i feel a bit absent. Like a person not being home all week, i feel like i've not been home to myself for a few weeks.



So i've decided to connect with thanksgiving first. Basic but true. Kind of all i feel i can connect with today. So here goes. Love the above magazine - 'Dorothy got it right, home is where the heart is'.

Loving this new album, new to me anyway.

Loving thinking about doing this Family Bible reading plan with the girls. There is even a sticker pack to go with it. Anything to excite the young ones. www.e100nz.org.nz is the Bible Society's idea in how to get people back into reading the Bible. Cool idea. needed too.

I love this little area in my room.

I am in love with my bed dressing. The quilt has white stitching, ah bliss.

Solo by Eugene Peterson, is a daily Bible reading tool i use, sometimes not on a daily basis if truth be confessed. It's creative and different every day. It's based on Lecto Devino, an old-time practice of monks. It's another thing i love and am thankful for.

I'm so thankful for these spontaneous love letters.

I adore this wee pile of things. It's a mixture of sweet lovelies.

I am devouring these brazil nuts and almonds.

I'm liking watching these two a lot. They keep me grounded and i am a gratitude junkie when it comes to them.

Some of these things seem trivial. But in realising i need some time at home in my own space and with my own head, I feel comfort from these material things. They remind me about the place i love and how i can slip off my shoes and relax but also how i need, need, need to slip off my shoes, put my ugg boots on, grab a nice drink (and prob some nuts and chocolate) and take time to connect with what's going on. Also it's probably good to be home to vac the place!

Loving the Uggs

Curly choices

It’s been an interesting few weeks, to reflect on.

There’s been wood. Loads of lovely wood. No new fire or heat pump, but big lots of tree landing itself on our front section. Keeping trusting. Thankful for Woodville arriving at our pad.

A beautiful wedding. Delicious catch-ups. Old timers gathering together. So nice.

Learning to ride bikes and Eggs to eat.

Curly hair has been driving me mad even when others would die for it (trust me, that is going a bit far) but has drawn me to some conclusions about my funny self. Amidst the hair fiasco (simply it getting rather long and losing it’s shape most days), I’ve realised how difficult it is at times for me to make decisions. Sometimes simple, sometimes tricky decisions. Confusion hits. This is one area where I’ve felt on my own and have found it stressful. Ahhhh what do i do with my limp and fine, curly matted hair-do? (i'm mostly talking of decisions way bigger than this small issue). It’s always stressful before I regain my position and get myself back on track with these trusted tools:

waiting is OK, not deciding immediately.

Asking someone for wisdom or prayer.

Saying No is a fine answer.

Realising I’m on my own and sometimes it’s gonna be harder.

I did get the head chopped. I'm pleased with the chop, short and new. Still curly but maybe straight some days if time allows?!

I’m loving the crock pot – I tried a piece of beef today with lashings of garlic and rosemary, on low with no water. Perfect yum-yum. Also pork is easy too and so delightfully moist. Low and all day too. Bliss-ness if you’re out all day. These choices are not hard, thankfully.

I’ve loved being with dear friends over the holidays. Thank you for being in my life you crazy-fun-folk.

Eugene Petersons ‘Solo’ devotional has been so good for my daily dose of God medicine. Also sitting in the evenings for a shortish time with some God music, when the girls are tucked up nicely, has been food for my soul and I’m hoping to dose myself more with that. Again this is an easy choice.

It's been ages since i've written. More to write another day. love me.

PS happy 40th Andrew. You rock!

Summer Lovin

Summer has been fun ……

Winter is coming, warm socks, merino from ‘House of G’ and many other homely comforts like my grey paisley hoody and matching warm ugg-boots.

But I rage against it. I don’t want to go there. Ahhhh flippin heck. Some of the things I feel or think about, like winter coming, seem very small and unimportant in blog-land-life. But I guess it’s the small things we do that seem to make up the walking of this life that we do. Maybe not writing about the washing but boy if I don’t get a load done (if it gets rained on), I’m frustrated and my day hasn’t gone as completely perfect as I’d hoped.

The small things, however silly or insignificant, do make up this ragamuffin life I’m living. Some of them make up who I am and explain why I’m the way I am. Things like – I need to have the dishes done before I go to bed or out for the day, simply so I don’t have to do it when I get home! Also something about me is I like to get my clothes sorted out for the next day, or for the wedding I’m going too, well inadvance. Mostly just the day before. It makes things run smoothly. Why do I feel the need to write about this? Who knows. It’s what makes me, me.

I love things to look forward too, even a movie. I check movies that are coming up, so that when the girls are away, I can see one. Ma and I saw 18 movies together last year when she would come once a fortnight to visit. What a cracker! I really like the toilet paper rolling down one way, paper closest to the wall. I like my cushions looking tidy on the couch, I don’t care about other peoples mess or tidiness, but I enjoy my own little tidy-habits for me.

A bit more about my summer-lovin:

Swimming – the ease of it for kids and the fun, refreshing release it gives.

Fresh juicy peaches ….. called something like ‘lady coconut’ ….. even the name melts my taste buds.

I’ll miss you summer salads. Eggs, pine nuts, cocktail tomatoes, avo. I’ll miss you all.

My array of skirts, leggings and summer shoes. Jandals and shorts. All that stuff will soon go away.

I won’t miss the sweating or the rain.

I loved going to sledge track – a walking track with water holes along the way, I loved going to Splash planet (Napier) and to Wellington to see an exhibition with the girls and friends for a fun adventure.

I loved waking up seeing blue sky, having my washing dried by lunch time, drinking diet coke and icy cold water. I loved my birthday parties, my brothers coming to visit, growing my virgin garden with success.

It was a good summer. As the wind settles in and the temperature is dropping, I am fearful. Crazy but true. I am fearful for what winter brings – the coldness, the chill around the cold old houses that people live in here (including my own), what the wintry times look like without being able to check via a time machine. Mostly I feel a dual fear. It’s not big but it’s there. What does my future look like – so bright I’ve gotta wear shades? Hmmmm. And how will we survive another cold winter?

I guess the things I loved about last winter are good – crock pot meals, fire wood supplied, long socks, new winter boots, ugg boots no matter how ugly they look. Traditions whether it’s summer or winter.

In these somewhat small and seemingly silly ‘thin places’ of myself, I can wrestle or I can breathe. I can calm myself and my silly ways down and recall that He is with me wherever I am. I hope I can train myself more to hear that still and small voice that whispers sweet nothings in my ear: You are OK. You’re going to be fine. Winter shows the starkness of the trees without leaves, so you can see things more clearly. Winter is fine. I am in the Winter and the Summer. I made them all. I adore you and your funny little ways and I am helping you in all of that.

My friend Anna told me one day many a year ago, to picture where God was for me. Where is he standing near you? Behind, beside, infront? What is His stance – holding your hand, reaching out for you? What is he saying?

He doesn’t just speak when I receive treats in my amazing letter-box (it has a name now amongst my friends when it delivers amazing surprises), He doesn’t just speak when a huge load of firewood arrives. He seems to speak when I’m shifting a whole load of firewood, or when a friend bikes round to help late one night. “I am with you little Sarah”, as the friend works with me showing that I’m not alone.

Funny thing is I didn’t even expect a friend or necessarily even think I needed someone to help. But when they came, spontaneously, it was beautiful.

Notes i've loved to remind me of some important things, again from Joan D Chittister, ‘Scarred by Struggle, transformed by hope.

It is true that the Jesus who lives in us died but did not die. But just as true is the fact that we have all known resurrection in our lives as well. We have been crucified, each of us, one way or another, and been raised up again. What had been bad for us at the time, we now see, was in the end an invitation to rise to new life. The invitation was to a road, we now admit, which we would never have taken ourselves if we had not been forced to travel it. Looking back we know now that this hard road was really the journey that brought us at least one step closer to wholeness in a world in which wholeness can never exist.

Hope is not some kind of delusional optimism to be resorted to because we simply cannot face the hard facts that threaten to swamp our hearts. People do die and leave us. Friends do leave and desert us. …… But through it all, hope remains, nevertheless, a choice.

We can begin to build a new life when death comes. We can reach out to make friends with others rather than curl up, hurt and angry;, waiting for someone to come to us. We can allow ourselves to love again, knowing now that love is a prize that comes in many shapes and forms. We can let go of a finished present so that what is about to happen in the future can begin.

Hope and despair are not opposites. They are cut from the very same cloth, made from the same material, shaped from the very same circumstances. Every life finds itself forced to choose one from the other, one-day at a time, one circumstance after another. The sunflower, that plant which in shadow turns its head relentlessly toward the sun, is the patron saint of those in despair. When darkness descends on the soul, it is time, like the sunflower, to go looking for whatever good thing in life there is that can bring us comfort. Then we need music and hobbies and friends and fun and new thought, not alcohol and wild nights …… The worst thing is to dull rather than displace the pain with the kind of joy or comfort that makes us new. “Give light”, Erasmus wrote,” and the darkness will disappear of itself.”

Despair shapes an attitude of mind. Hope creates a quality of soul. Despair colors the way we look at things, makes us suspicious of the future, makes us negative about the present. Most of all, despair leads us to ignore the very possibilities that could save us, or worse, leads us to want to hurt as we have been hurt ourselves.

Hope on the other hand, takes life on its own terms, knows that whatever happens God lives in it and expects that, whatever its twists and turns, it will ultimately yield its good to those who live it consciously.

Hope sends us dancing around dark corners trusting in a tomorrow we cannot see because of the multiple pasts of life which we cannot forget.

“To turn and to turn”. Shakers hymn

Jacob did not defeat his opponent. He simply survived the struggle. We become what we are, in other words, but we do not do it, in most cases, in any kind of linear progression. We go from one struggle, to another, becoming as we go.

Maori saying: Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall always behind you. Hope is not a matter of waiting for things outside us to get better. It is about getting better inside about what is going on inside. It is about becoming open to the God of newness. It is about allowing ourselves to let go of the present, to believe in the future we cannot see but can trust to God.

Thin Places

Thin places are a good thing.

I thought ..... when i picked up a book by Mary De Muth ..... thin places meant bad places.

But they aren't at all. Mary (who is an author i adore) describes 'thin places' as places where heaven and the physical world collide, where we see a holy glimpse of the eternal. Kind of like a-ha moments, places or moments where we see God.

I will write more another time, but i see thin places when i see my babies and when i'm having fun. Sometimes i hear Him when my beautiful girls talk to me, or draw, or question life.

I love the fun, i love the people. I love seeing God in them.




I'm reading Mary De Muths 'Thin Places', a memoir. She is a woman who has seen a lot in her life and somehow can look back and see where God was. She also looks at now and sees where He is.

Sometimes i'm so unsure of where I am. I am challenged at how to allow Him to invade the current reality i am living in whether it's just confusion with day to day life, hard decisions to make or just simply the disaster that may be happening right here and now on any given day.

Hope you are seeing Him in whatever you're doing. May our eyes be open.

Congrats Hannah on your grad! You clever lady.