the pot of all pots

I’ve been using her for awhile now. She truly makes my day go better. 3 min prep at the most some days and then I’m set. Arriving home to her sweet smells, is one of those things that helps make life worth living.

Tom night I’m attending a crock-pot evening with Alyson Gofton. I quite like those kinds of things, learning new things to do with my old thing. My crock-pot has become one of the best presents I’ve ever been given. Hopefully I can share some helpful hints another day after having time with Alyson.

Every Tues I get together with a few friends at my local pad/café. We banter on about our kids homework pressures, the latest happening at church along with our latest cooking disasters/exploits. It’s really cool. It’s fun mostly, challenging in helping one another with different things going on in our lives. Some of us are going to this crocking potting evening. I’m a huge initiator of activities, love organizing get-togethers with others. I’m often thinking of stuff to do – where can I have a mid-winter Christmas dinner and who will it be with? Which café might we try next for our dessert night?

I recall as a young girl my mum saying that friends of hers had told her to go home and read a book, when they were planning to go out together by themselves. She must have commented on how lonely that felt (as dad had died) or something along those lines. I’m thinking that me organizing stuff is such a great thing, but I’m having to recognise that sometimes I do get disappointed if my plans don’t come about. It’s not the same being on your own when plans may fall through. And it’s not something that I want to grumble about because pure and simple, that’s life. I think what I get is, I’m understanding that at times I feel that same sense (not on the same level) of abandonment that I felt when d left me. A little loss of control and a creeping-in of that celine dion song, “all by myself”, he he.

Saying to myself: ‘I’m feeling a little abandoned today’ and following that with, ‘and that’s OK’. Even just to be able to acknowledge that, name it, is and can be quite significant. Sounds weird but it is goodness.

The opposite feeling to that is an overwhelmed feeling and I think I’ve experienced a big amount of that over the last few weeks. I haven’t allowed myself much time to relax with myself so it has become foreign. I’ve worried about stuff and not known how to share it or where to even start. Coming home and having ‘alone’ time is usually filled with folding the washing (ah sigh) or putting the tatoes on to boil. And when presented with time and no jobs, I feel sometimes like I’m in a foreign country not knowing the language. Ahh what do I do?

So I’m conscious of a few things that are going on in my noggin, realizing I need to discover again what things give me joy. I walked the other day, after many a day of not walking. It was bliss. I could breathe the air in and talk to Father God. I’d forgotten how great it felt. I’ve enjoyed blogging heaps in the past, but have felt lately it’s a little like a task I need to tick off, rather than what it actually is – life to my thoughts. Clarity to my noggin. Breathing space for my heart. Maybe I need one of those cool iphones/blueberries (as a friend called them once in a guessing game) or something so I can jot down my thoughts as I ride around town doing the business of life. I’ve also done a lot more talking to God about the different things by simply asking him to shine his light in my dark or worried places. I’ve asked Him to help show me the way to walk as I feel the different things at this moment.

Prov 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart (shine your light where I don’t trust you Lord). Lean not on your own understanding (sometimes I have no idea what is going on for me – my understanding is zilch), in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths (I do acknowledge you God, that you are a good God, a loving and caring, faithful and consistent, all-knowing bountiful God).

Currently my crocking potting meals are corn beef (ah der – that is so familiar to most nz families),frozen chicken covered in some kind of herb rubbing on low all day – perfecto! pork (slides off the fork it’s so tender), beef – delicious with garlic and rosemary rubbed into it, and sometimes I just chuck some chicken pieces in and hope for the best. I’ll share some more goodies if there are any from my next big social event tom pm. Love me