surrounded by beauty

Was challenged a few weekends ago, 

to remember to balance my life with social stuff 

and 'business'.  

New job has meant more meetings out at night, which has been important but

has meant i've been tired for other stuff.  On reflection, i feel i'd lost my zing for life!

It feel like it took me ages to realise this truth.....

but a simple sentence from a valued pal or two, has reminded me of the beauty of 

fun, parties, doing stuff together.

A night outside with a lamb roasted, mosquito's buzzing, fantastic company.  Laughs and a good dose of Bridget Jones.

And tonight, polka dots, black canvas place mats, candles and serviettes to match ..... our wee family (eating left over lambchop), remembering good times and looking forward to more stuff in our future.

Beauty is indeed everywhere, stopping to create it or admire it is vital.  It's been a life-line for me over these past few days. 

Putting effort into creating beautiful moments with equally beautiful people has helped me not feel like we are this small litttle unit of 3.  We are more because of our family and friends. 

Our next thing is to have a daylight saving party on Sat- we're having kids on wheels in the couldersack with parents drinking wine or whatever,

human noughts and crosses and possibly hiding dessert around our garden for the kids to find.

Even if we don't get all that organised, at least we'll be doing something fun and for no particular reason except for 'being together'.

I feel particularly stupid at times,

forgetting one of the very things that makes me, me.

And i'd gotten too busy (hate that word) being busy. 

I'd forgotten. 

But friends/comrades/companions in this life, 

reminded me. 

People.

Love them ........   Love helping them ...... Love doing life with them.

some thanksgivings

This lovely lantern has a small but precious candle residing in it.  And I adore it. Everytime i walk past this little guy, the fragrance makes me feel alive. It is the sweetest smell around and if someone made it into a fragrance to spray on, i'd be buying it!

I currently adore this new addition to my room, the ladder holding all the neck warmers.  These particular neck warmers hide in my cupboard normally and my neck and i forget about them. But no more will that be happening.  I wore the stripey red one today with some new ace-black jeans. As i meandered around, i was glad of the ladder and it's ability to bring my wardrobe a splash of colour.  

I'm thankful for the outdoorsy areas which have changed our life.  Having grass has meant we've had more fun outdoors. We've picked walnuts off the huge tree (which i need to research more about as they are not worth the effort we make to peel and smash them, currently), sprayed water whilst jumping on the bounce-machine, we've shifted truck loads of firewood and we've eaten where the cicaders chirp.  Bliss outside the new abode and bliss inside. 

I am grateful for these areas of rest and the sense of peace they bring.  The end of the day cannot come too quickly sometimes as I fall into a chair in the lounge, or lie on my bed with the beautiful outside view.  Thank you God for our place, our home.  

Thankfulness always involves these two crackers. 

7 year old has given me some great quotes of late - we were watching some of the Sound of music, the part where Maria and Captain V are finally getting together.  I'm sushing the girls as it's such a beautiful scene, to which the 7 year old yum yum says: “Mummy listening to people is more important than listening to TV”.  (so true, so true!).  And then as we are praying before sleep time last night, the same child who is thanking God for things like how snuggly her mummy is (hmmmmm not sure how encouraging that is!), thanks God for mummy's nice eye shadow.  She quickly adds after that, “remember to take it off mum, in brackets”, giggle giggle. Amen.  Oh how i love to be around such flavour and such delight.

I am thankful, lastly, for truth.  I read this verse the other day - Psalm 51 verse 6 - Surely you desire truth in the inner most parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

I have been feeling overwhelmed by some different things of late.  I had some time sitting at my piano forte and as i poured out my heart to my God, i felt him reminding me of truth - his love, his care, his hand, on me.  

I pray for His truth in our inmost place, the centre of our being.  I hope that i'll be more attentive to that and not the silly-thoughts of my own head.  The end, for now, apart from this cooli quote to finish. xx

Henri J. M. Nouwen

To pray means to stop expecting from God the same small-mindedness which you discover in yourself. To pray is to walk in the full light of God and to say simply, without holding back, "I am human and you are God."

  

Silence

Even the idea of it scares people i think.
What to do with ones thoughts when one comes rather close to them? The answer often comes in that silence.
We are surrounded by such a lot of noise!
Heard the cicada's lately?  In NZ they are buzzing but it has to be fairly quiet to notice them, for me anyway.
Having two min silence for Christchurch yesterday involved the quiet hush of the room you were in or the place you were at and it drew your mind, once again to this event.
As I waited I felt tears well up. I thought about a few things, people, the humungeousness of it all and i offered silent short sentences to Him who knows everything.
I felt glad to have had that time.  A time to notice breathing and thoughts, a time to stop.

Maybe silence can be likened to a fuel-stop.
Or a reality check.
or just a breather.
Maybe silence would go nicely with a cuppa.


When I took that moment of silence with people all around my country, I gained something.  Perspective.  Peace.  Refuelling for the next part of my day.


Hoping for more moments like that.  The little poem at the end is a lovely silence prayer.  Enjoy, maybe in the quietness of your own head or space.

Henri J. M. Nouwen

Dear God,
Speak gently in my silence.
When the loud outer noises of my surroundings
and the loud inner noises of my fears
keep pulling me away from you,
help me to trust that you are still there
even when I am unable to hear you.
Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying:
"Come to me, you who are overburdened,
and I will give you rest...
for I am gentle and humble of heart."
Let that loving voice be my guide.
Amen.

I’ve been hiding for a bit.  Hiding in February land.

It’s overtaken my life rather rapidly and I’ve had no time or sense to stop.

Birthday’s, speaking engagements, weddings to officiate, jobs to start are just some of the things I’ve found in the land of February.

This week is the first of the last few, that I’ve found an averagely empty calendar. 

Such excitement has filled my mind.

Oh what to do, what to do?

I’ve have definately been thinking non stop of my dear-heart friend and her family in Christchurch, praying for strength to cope each day with the dramas that surround her.

I’ve reminisced about this wedding I officiated over the weekend in the beautiful Lakelands of Rotorua, NZ.

I married my childhood friend (and her man), someone who I did so much life with, a precious woman indeed.

I officiated the wedding in the heat of the afternoon on the side of this inviting lake.

I had the time of my life, seeing friends who I’ve known forever, (see our old neighbous Matt!) and connecting with some I’d not been with for eyons.

Before I went away I’d joked with a few friends that I was staying in a hotel room alone and how boring that probably would be (even though I knew it would be good for me to have some alone time).  I’d commented on how much fun I’d not have, eating breakfast on my own at the fabulous hotel I’d been booked into.

I recall that before leaving, with this information in my head, I took a moment (a very brief moment, not a long ritual here at all) to kind of hand that over to God. So glad I did. A short talk asking Him to watch over my time. I have to keep remembering, and I do know it, but here in lies another testimony of his goodness to me, caring for the inner most parts of my humanness.

Turns out I had a room mate.  An older shy lady who crocheted up a storm for needy people all around our country.  Admittedly the snoring was harder to cope with but she was pure delight to room with.

Turns out I caught up with someone that had been part of my life many a year ago. Absolute bliss.

Not sure if you’ll ever read this but I thank God for hanging out with you over the weekend. You made my weekend.  When you told me things from our childhood that you had remembered, it kind of did this great thing in me.  It reminded me to always make an effort with people, no matter when or where as it might just come back and be a gift!  It was a gift being with you. I laughed a lot.  I was hugely encouraged and enjoyed the incredible companionship you offered.  You made me feel welcome in your world and not alone in my own.  It was fabulous hanging out with a great man who was living and loving life. And it was quite fun testing your blood sugar with my machine.  Well done 6.2.
Thank you, you did my heart good!

My livvy got a card from a boy in her class last week– dear Olivia, thank you for helping me and caring for me. From Hamish.  I asked her about that when i returned home, she replied she had simply helped him with a few things at school.  I think he’ll possibly never forget that, I hope she will learn about the positive-ness of helping another.  What a gift, realising you can make a difference, even when you are a sprog!

It is officially March-time now and as my friend Han Han reminds me in recent conversation, "IT's Ok to say No Sarah, remember how you got good at that last year?"
Whatever comes my way, i so wanna enjoy this journey i'm on, with balance (saying no when i need to) and with all the incredible people that are part of my journey.  I am particularly happy to say that the stranger-man from the wedding who kept inappropriately grabbing my butt, is not going to be journeying with me. I feel he is best left behind.

xx

Maid in NZ

I am in the habit of going to the dvd store and purchasing (borrowing) 5 ish dvd's to watch during the week.  I love it! 

Anywho i was watching Maid in Manhattan with J Lo and came across my own wee revelation from that movie.  She was a maid aiming for management.  A number of events follow with her falling for this guy slightly out of her league of maidship.  Disaster happens but like a true comedy-romo, it all works out.  But this thing got me - she got married to this senator-type man but as the credits are rolling, we see her on the front of a management magazine.  During the movie you saw that she was good at that type of stuff, organising, being professional.  She carried on with the skill she had or the passion she lived with. 
Just a little revelation for me - i went away thinking, "that's what I want".  Not to loose myself or my passion for the things I love.
At times in relationships (the two serious ones i've had, marriage and boyf), i've looked back and realised part of myself was either pushed down or i've just let it go for another, in order for them to shine.  It's not a real biggie, but its something I will ponder from time to time and the Maid in J-Lo, will help me in those ponderings.  Wonder if i'll call myself the Maid in Palmerston Nth.


The girls got home on Sun after a weekend away and for some reason they wanted to do a fashion-show.  Nice.  I had dinner ready and am mindful of keeping a good routine when they come home, to keep things stable after being away from their normal environment.


But fashion-show, we did:  Posing, dancing (they haven't seen one before so there were moves), cat walks all to Guy Sebastians 'whos that girl'.  He he.  Even the Photographer had to pose!

Where did January go?

The sun was out in New Zealand, probably for the whole time we were away!
Delicious to come back to.

I was asked to share at church on the persistent widow (Luke 18) last Sunday.  She, the widow, kept bothering the old horrible judge, in her state of desperate need. He hated people and didn't care for God either.  Eventually he gave in to the rambling persistent lady.  Then Jesus reminded the people that the Judge was nothing like God - that God hears his people and that He loves them.   A timely reminder to not give up in prayer (Jesus main focus with this particular parable).  It's a challenge when asked to speak on something specific, you kind of live in the passage you're given and have it change you or remind you of His ways.


We went to see the classes that the girls had been put in for twenty eleven.  Last year we had prayed for Liv to be in a class with some lovely friends.  Joy joy joy when i saw those class lists, some good wee friends that she needed to be with.  Over the last few days i've been able to remind her how we persisted in praying.  The layers in her heart where she's learning about how God cares, will have just been added too again.  Choice bro!


Had an amazing night away in Wellington with these three lucious ones.  We ate, had nails and stuff done, ate some more, dressed up for din dins, relaxed without the kiddies, laughed, cryed, ate again and talked about Him who carries us wherever we are.  

So thankful for January things, so thankful for thoughts of new adventures where we are at.  

We remember the time in Ausi well, the girls don't recall the rain as much as their old ma.  Thank you to J and K for the gift of staying, flying, eating, hanging with them.  Loved the jet-ski ride and aunty shirleys chicken esp!!  


I'm thankful for the road ahead - i was not sure about getting a new job, how i'd do something i hadn't done before (one day a week at our church doing pastoral work overseeing all sorts of stuff!) but my big brother encouraged me that often that's the best person for a job.  

Just a wee quote from Eugene Petersons book ' Running with the horses'.  Nothing to do with what i'm writing but a good quote for me to remember:  

Experienced mountaineers have a quiet, regular, short step – on the level it looks petty; but when this step they keep up, on and on as they ascent, whilst the inexperienced townsman hurries along and soon has to stop, dead beat with the climb …. Such an expert mountaineer, when the thick mists come, halts and camps out under some slight cover brought with him, quietly smoking his pipe and moving on only when the mist has cleared away ….

You want to grow in virtue, to serve God and to love Christ? Well, you will grow in and attain to these things if you will make them a slow and sure, an utterly real, a mountain stepplod and ascent, willing to have to camp for weeks or months in spiritual desolation, darkness and emptiness at diff stages in your march and growth.  All demand for constant light, for ever the best – the best to your own feeling, all attempt at eliminating or minimising the cross and trial, is so much soft folly and puerile trifling.

Baron Friedrich von Hugel


Hope to see you this year in the flesh or via the world wide web. xx

The sun will come out tomorrow .....

  .......  and it truly did.
So much so that we all looked like little red lobsters!  Well the girls red turned immediately to beautiful olive tan and mine still hurts a little. 


We got to zoom around on my brothers jetski at some faraway beach.  He took me right out to where the ocean meets the inlet area we were in and i had the time of my life!


I am so glad the sun is out.  Don't blame it on the sunshine though - too much can be hard work!
Girls spent 4 hours in the pool this morning. They got out for lunch, and then got straight back in basically. they are loving it. K has taught herself to dive, with some adult help.  L is loving the flippers and the fun of bombing into the water.  Go girls! It's just about 8pm and the girls have jumped in for a midnight swim with their uncle jeremy!


I've been thinking over the past few days how great it truly is to be away from the distractions of home and the attention it needs.  I've been able to indulge in reading and other relaxing things that come with holiday.  There are plenty of adults around so there is no lack of help with children.  
I've also noticed how i've felt a little closer to cracking.  Tears or whatever. feelings of vulnerability and the like. I'm wondering if it's the lack of distraction or busy-ness that can cause one to come closer to the surface of their life or closer to themself.  At times i've felt maybe it's the bigger city i'm staying in and feeling like i'm just a little pea out of a big pod. I also think i've felt alone more, not able to share the fun thoughts or hard things with another who knows you so well.  


I love God's timing.  I heard a message on Sunday about Him, the great one.  The Great I Am.  He is. He is God and that's that.  It was much better than those few phrases i've written.  I was also reading something in the book of Luke about how Jesus was coming and how he was the Main character and us being the stagehands.  Something stirred in me about putting God first again, trusting him. Not trying to  rule my life or control my circumstances but allowing Him to be the one that I turn to immediately, trusting or crying out to him.  


I'm asking him to flood me or change me or clean me (all of those things) from the inside-out.  Last year was a good year but i ruled a lot of my life in reflection.  It says in the Bible that my maker cares and loves, forgives and carries.  I am hopeful that this time away, even in the uncomfortable sunny or rainy weather, can boost me toward Him and help me to walk holding his hand, not dragging Him behind as a mere afterthought.


It's time to put the girls in bed.  Precious ones have hardly seen their ma today ....  hoping the sun will come out tomorrow again for me to jump in that pool!

Twas the time around Christmas .....

It's raining a lot - i'm wondering if that is happening all around the world and not just on the sunny Gold Coast of Australia.  Pouring down, no stopping, nothing to do but go to the shops and read books.  Crazy.  
Of course I packed for summer weather so i'm glad it's not cold with the rain!  We've tried twice in the last two days to take the kids out biking etc and as we get to the place it starts opening up on us again! Oh dear, how sad.  How mad!  Luckily my bro has a few flat screen tv's set up around his home for various movie watching experiences or Xbox 360 game playing.  


I know it's snowing itself in London and Paris, hope you are having a lovely restful time Matty and Sez.  Merry Christmas again my lovely ones.  


No photos at the mo, haven't put any on my brothers computer but may try later.  


(coming up - the reflective kind-of saddy part of the last few days) Chrissy day was nice of course, i only cried twice in the morning anticipating my babes leaving for a few nights.  Mum and karley (sister'n'law and friendy) sat with me as i had a few teary moments.  I also had times feeling pretty useless as a single mum thinking i'd only bought them ridiculously small (travel safe) presents and felt even worse when L wondered where the big present was.  I justify my choice by saying that kids get so much stuff and they should be glad of the lovely gifts they were given, but on the side-line of my own coaching I somehow feel a bit sad about the lack of 'big present'.  Because they are part of a separated family situation now, they seem to get double the amount of presents that any normal kid would receive, so it wasn't so bad for them I'm sure (santa bought them a WII for them at their Dad's place ......).


Walking some of this life is stony ground, not ground walked before and I should expect there will be disappointment along the way or perhaps feelings of not being 'good enough'.  The truth is - they got heaps of pressies and they are blessed.  It's just me own feelings of inadequacy i need to hit away with a baseball bat.  Shall do that!


I missed having a husband or special man friend buy for me.  I opened two gifts which were awesome and the next day i got to spend some money from my precious ma.  It felt a bit empty but i came face to face with that and I understand that as reality.  It's lovely being with my bro and his wife. I miss the silly jokes and the having a side-kick to share with.  


Poor girls were pretty sad after saying bye to their dad.  K even prayed that we would get back together.  She hasn't prayed that for a long long time.  Didn't feel it was the appropriate time to share that their Dad had got the divorce papers last yr (with my help at finally doing it) and it was all finito.  


This is Christmas for us.  Cut in half with a visit to the other parent, Double presents, enough to start a toy shop, some tears from at least one parent.  I'm probably not enjoying that reality - something that will happen every year for awhile.  I am comforted that others do it and that they do it well and maybe i can be cheered by their examples or their testimonies.  But our reality brings me pain.  I have to accept that and walk that rocky road at times. 


(the cheerier end to the write-up) On the bright side, there is also delicious food, time with beautiful people, and this year there was this one nice wee treat:  
Bayleys, Tolblerone, cream Liqueurs (not sure how to spell that sorry).  As we came through duty free we got to taste this sensation.  I told older bro about it and he popped out to get the necessary goodies.  I enjoyed a pretty similiar experience at my very own brothers home, at Christmas.  Chunks of ice, tolblerone, loads of cream and a hint of baileys.  Bliss @ Chriss.  


(oh and I got my very first Le Cruset Casserole dish - how bliss at Chriss is that!  A nice wee chrissy pressy paid for by a few sweet peeps!  It is one beautiful dish.  Just need some great casserole recipes for that, ready for winter cooking on my fireplace all day!)


Like this quote ..... to finish off with .....
One does not always have to wait for something out of the ordinary. The all-important thing is to keep your eyes on what comes from God and to make way for it to come into being here on the earth. If you always try to be heavenly and spiritually minded, you won't understand the everyday work God has for you to do. But if you embrace what is to come from God, if you live for Christ's coming in practical life, you will learn that divine things can be experienced here and now, things quite different from what our human brains can ever imagine.

Spoilt lady

It was a 37 year olds birthday in our home yesterday.  The 37 year old was woken at 6am to little happy birthday talkings but allowed to sleep for an extra half hour while the 6 year old made her card.  Phew for the older lady.  She was glad.

The card was made and was such a kind card.  It said 27!  Then it had an oops underneath it followed by the correct digits.  Very cute.

The small digited ladies of the house gave the more senior birthday girl this: 

The day continued as friends gathered for Strawberry cloud, shrunk chocolate mud cake and lemon creme (thank you Pip (ala Annabelle Langbein) and Bec for the recipes!).  Many pals met at our new place, for wine, chatting and fun.

All day she seemed to gather a line of presents around her, wherever she went.  She was feeling very thought of and very blessed.  parcels and texts from all over the country, world and from little Palmy Town too. 

Loved it, quite stress free really esp at Chrissy time.  So glad some lovely peeps could come out amongst the busy season to celebrate another year gained in the life of one person.


There were no parks in the couldersack where we live, i think the street got a fright as it's such a quiet wee street and then i go and throw a PARTY!

I will try  my best to tell people to celebrate their own age-turning.  But i kept wanting to pull out of this one, it felt like it was 'crazy-loco' with Chrissy approaching (no diff from any year i'm guessing!).  BUT so so glad i did it.  I was esp glad as I got to share  a wee bit with one of my beautiful guests, about how much God loves her.  What an honour, on an older ladies birthday!

37 - nearer to 40 than i've ever been.  Loving life and still not feeling old.  Just prob seeing it in my body! This week my mum was up and i had begun to feel slightly overwhelmed with being on my own and trying to do all the things that one needs to do with working and keeping house and caring for babes.  She encouraged me, bought us bk for dinner and i know she will be praying for me without her even saying.  My mum doesn't read this (as i've always kind of kept this as my personal diary), but I do wanna put it out there that she is very much the mum of the YEARS of my life.  Amazing woman.


The birthday continues - we're making our way down the island to the airport for tomorrow, visiting with some LIFE friends along the way.  What a special honour it is to do life with people.  New and old friends.  Appreciating that, all the 37 years of it.


Merry CHRISTmas.  May the wonder of God sending his son to earth, be fresh for you this year.  May you know Him more. Love me xx

stars in my eyes

Some things are truly physical reminders, like stars, that God is near.  Emmanuel.

This little girl and her sis make me smile (and sometimes scream) a lot.

Both L and K have sewn their names onto pillowcases, so lovely.

A bit scratchy to sleep on i imagine so we turn them over!

Sometimes I feel particularly useless at connecting with God, apart from rambling my desperations or mutterings to him when I"M needing some kind of help.

Ever present God.  Never leaving or forsaking God.  Loving Father.

I read this which encouraged me today:

"When you find yourself empty, do not imagine a mountain of transfiguration will be the answer.  Sit. breathe quietly for a few min in your own room, on your own chair.  Trust.  Sometimes when you do this regularly, you are brought into a quiet place of prayer where you are not sure where you end and where God begins."

Moving on with  a few more stars in my eyes .......

All of these women were seen by me in the last few weeks, one friend from Ausi was flying in for a family thing and the other was flying in from Christchurch for Bon Jovi and through a few texts we managed to sort out a brunch date.  Old friends from yonks ago. Dear dear friends.

We then hit this dear one's special birthday!  So bliss to celebrate with you Pip, love you precious and twinkling star.

Ange, being with you, even for a few hours, is fun and needed.

You are true.  You are loving.  You are inspiring.

Thank you for your heart towards me.  A star in my eyes

(So glad that Bon Jovi helped us meet up!  Thank you BJ).

We head away next week over the seas and far away.  Holidays are great and so too is Christmas.

I'm hopeful to get better at a few things next year - being better at getting out of the house without causing fireworks,

jumping on the tramp with the girls even more, 

(i nearly die of exhaustion as i'm double bouncing the girls all over the place)

being more prayerful, however that looks,

bike riding with my babes,

realising that God speaks even through annoyances with others

(perhaps asking Him, "what is going on here for me?  Why am I reacting this way?) - sounds very deep

blah blah

Merry Christmas.  

(Posts have been very sparse of late.  Sorry if it's frustrating jumping on and seeing the same post!)

making lemon drink

The girls and I had our dear friends over tonight for pizza.

We have never had them here for dinner, they always have us.

It was so nice having them, having a house big enough to host their number 5 family.

The girls are lovely friends with Anya.  They always have fun when they are together.  

Tonight was no different.  


Lemons were picked, bitten in half and poured into a container.


Sugar was added (thankfully) and the taste was bliss (surprisingly).  One lucky adult got an ant included in their drink.

Karen and Hugh, Anya and Micki are leaving for England very soon.  Anjali is staying in NZ for another year.  We will miss you, pizza night at your place, laughs, the enduring encouragement of being friends with you.  I have not met anyone like you before and I have been changed and blessed by your companionship.  I am glad that saying goodbye is not forever, and I'm glad it's highly likely we will visit you in the near future, for pizza and chats.


Love you dear friends, love drinking tarty lemon drinks with you.
(thank you Anjali for the photos)