red runs my heart

The girls sang in a concert with their junior choir recently. It was amazing to watch them and so funny. I loved it. My ma was there too and i thought how great it was to have 3 generations of choir 'goers' in the same room. I wasn't ever sure if the girls would like being in a choir, so the risk paid off. The girls thrived in their performance showing attentiveness to detail and a connection with the audience too, all while trying to remember truck loads of verses! I was one proud mumma bear.
Prior to the concert i embarked on some emotional journeying with them. this was crazy considering the time limit but there was no more time before the next day to do so, as they were leaving to stay with dad.
I had considered the violent roars of their hearts in the previous time and wanted to somehow encourage them with the constant processing that they have to do. I am hurting for them. I am worried for them. I hate what they are experiencing. Anyway we made a wash line for our wall, kind of like a banner. I had some red hearts where they wrote their worries on them, as did i. I had shared the verse about casting our cares upon the Lord and so we began, artistically, casting our own. It always surprises me how keen the girls are, with my crazy ideas. Their worries were genuiene and heart felt. As we pegged them on the line, we read our last ones together, as an offering. God we give our worries to you.......
K suggested we could add to this whenever we needed, the girls knew that the line would remind me to pray when they were away, we are going to make a heading for our banner which will add to the 'gold nugget' i'm trying to impart.
I have been feeling quite agro, angry, mad or hateful (just to name a few describing words). I am guessing that it's just that i'm particularly sad and feeling like i'm broken in half. So i'm trying in my own way to process that with a line of my own. I visited Wellington on Saturday where i remember so many diff places that connect me with d. It was a painful walk in that city. This whole thing is annoying me so much. The breaking of a family, the trust broken, the confusion added to one already 'crazy walk' that we live, the identity crisis, the pain of not knowing where your future is, the rejection, the financial loss and concern, the dramatic change of life, is not good stuff. I certainly get that God is with me all through this, i couldn't do it without Him. Even though, i'm angry. or is just plain old sad?
Elizabeth Barrett Browning -
Earth's crammed with heaven
And every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes -
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.