Immanuel

If I had a word of the year, I think it would be Immanuel. It means God with us. And I love it. I have sat at the piano and made simple songs up with it in, reminding me of God with me and God with us. Remembering Immanuel, remembering that He is with us is a key to this year. Today I realized we live a normal-ish life until the second weekend of every fortnight. Today d turned up to get the girls. Mostly in the weeks leading up, I forget about him or I try to remove him from my current thoughts and mostly that works. But it’s like a gun shot or a loud explosion or a pain in my side, on these Saturday pick-up-days. I slump a little, feel sad for quite awhile and mostly have a good old cry. Today I went straight to the piano after crying tears on the already wet washing. I cried as I sung about my Immanual. I realized too, that I had not even consciously made a choice to come and worship in the midst of the explosion of pain that re-entered. I had just gone to the piano.

In the midst of ruggardness, there is this voice calling gently to my heart. “Come, come, come. Let go”. Don’t get me wrong – I am not perfect. For the first few minutes after he drives away with the girls I am pretty agro and swear a bit and tell God my honest hateful feelings. I don’t rant but I do say the same comments over and over with a bucket or two of tears. And then I recognize the voice calling. And I go.

The girls just rang, which was so cool. They wanted to connect and I thought they wouldn’t as I’d been a bit grumpy towards them today. L told me in a very quiet voice that she loved me more than daddy as he sometimes says some quite mean things to her (her words). I felt a little worried for her but offered some prayers and encouragement. K cheerfully talked of the great day she was having and at the end asked me to listen as she blew me kisses. Nice girls.

A friend text and spoke with me offering a night of fun at her place with girlie things. I felt to stay home but was really touched by the grace she offered – no matter what was going on for me, she wanted to know I had options and that I was not forgotten. She reminded me that she loved me no matter what I chose to do tonight. Currently I’m in bed, ready to watch a dvd and have an early night but how beautiful is a friend who has walked in your shoes and offers grace. Thank u.