Hi 5 Concert

This is the girls getting ready to go to the coolest concert of the year. D and I had decided that it would be such a special thing for them to do, we presented them with the tickets and I took them into the city! It was such a cool thing, they loved it!
D wants to surprise them with tickets for the latest and coolest concert to arrive. And the girls will love it. This is not a bad thing, but I’m gutted and just hurt again I guess. He isn’t doing it to be mean to me of course, but it hurts. It will be a wonderful experience for them but it hurts because I won’t be there to see or hear the joy in their voices or their faces. I love seeing and hearing that. This really is poohs.
I have felt particularly flat over the weekend. It’s D day again this Saturday and I guess I’m emotional again about it. I have been thinking about how unloved I’ve felt over the last wee while. It’s a weird tension knowing that you are precious in God’s heart and priceless to Him, yet wanting that from a human as well. And not getting it.
“Nothing is a waste in God’s economy” is something I’ve heard recently. I’m hoping the last few years have not been a waste. It’s hard to see that they are not and it’s hard to trust God some days, that it’s going to be OK. There is something in the word about God restoring what the locusts have eaten. Something about him Redeeming what has been lost. I have a packet of seeds where I’ve written the dates 06, 07 and now 08 with a list of the things I’ve lost – trust, betrayal, deception, rejection, money, time, love. I’ve chosen to sow them as seeds to God, believing that he restores what has been broken and lost, eaten and ruined. So I guess when I’m reminded of what’s been lost, I am drawn to two things. To trust Him who began a good work in us and also to be real. This sucks, I hate it and my heart is broken seemingly beyond repair. I am not the same but I will be better. I have lost things so precious. I feel unloved and lost. I feel hate and I feel disgust (I’m reminding myself that it’s healing to let your feelings out). But I do feel you God and I’m glad.