Sowing

Ecclesiastes 11
Cast your bread upon the waters for you will find it after many days.
If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves upon the earth: and if a tree falls forward the south or toward the north, in the place where the tree falls, there it will lie.
He who observes the wind (and waits for all conditions to be favourable) will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.
As you know not what is the way of the wind, or how the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a pregnant woman, even so you know not the work of God. Who does all.
In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening withhold not your hands, for you know not which shall prosper, whether this or that, or whether both alike will be good.
This weekend has been a hard one. The girls went to stay with daddy and I always find that difficult. Some comment that it must be a nice break. It’s not a break I would ever choose to have. It’s unnatural yet in society it has sadly become so normal that it is almost the ‘norm’. It’s unsettling, unstable and a physical separation that breaks me every time.
So I try to look at the good things. The girls rang to talk to me, only 2 hours after leaving. That was cool. It was 24 hours till I would see them again. I got a sleep-in. I got to change the house round and loved that!
I had been quite emotional leading up to the moment of departure, therefore I spoke tersely to daddy. Today I realised that, and felt challenged again with the way I had behaved. Did I need to apologise? The arguments in my mind formed for either side and so I ended up quietly praying re needing to say sorry.
I’m always aware that the ideas/thoughts I get, seem to be my conscience working and I’m best to obey it otherwise I’ll become numb to it. As the girls arrived home, happy and full of talking, I was glad. I was also challenged to say something. I did apologise for my emotional ranting.
I’m not sure what it did exactly except it did help me feel better about my ridiculous rant on Saturday. Throughout this journey I don’t want to be the woman who gets all bitter and twisted and even. I want to be strong but to be soft. In the midst of everything, I’m hopeful that God will lead me and help me each moment.
Today I heard someone talk about how God isn’t an antique collector. He says “I am the potter”, and even the greatest of pots gets broken, re-made to be used for Him again, useful for him. I have felt very broken but am feeling the rebuilding phase now by the greatest Creator.