turning a corner

This year has been a tricky one for me.
Not easy (not that it should be).  Painfully normal.
It's September and I've been feeling more and more like my word for 2011 was OVER.  Not a more positive word - I was  feeling like life was all OVER the place.
Not Somewhere over the rainbow.
More like Woman overboard.
Over it.
Over and out.

But today I feel like i did the above, turned a corner.
Several things contributed to the turnover i experienced today.
I invited quite a few wonderful people for lunch, changed a few things round in my house, my current situation got recognised by precious friends and spoken about and we as a family were more than ourselves today.  I was hugged, loved and encouraged by others today.
Life felt again, that it was bigger than myself.
Overwhelmed.  A bit teary.

I began to feel like spring was entering my mind and body, like I was thawing out and experiencing the  new.  I haven't felt like this for a long time. It feels good.

His banner over me is love.
Over and over and over again He turns up, he shows up for me.
It's been a bland year. A hard year. But it's not over yet.

(photos are a few small areas in our home that I adore x)

love these cow-gals!!

Make-up, costumes, candy floss and more of that goodness made for a recent fun evening out.

Eating K-bars, bobbing for apples, riding a mechanical bull along with other western stuff was right up these lassies alleys.  Tickled pink.

My heart kind of stopped this last week with some things that came flying our way.

Felt like I was experiencing a ride on that mechanical bull all week (having only my imagination to picture or feel what that would be like as I'd missed out on my turn due to the denim number i was wearing that evening)

Things that made me feel insignificant and a tiny bit useless. A bit agro at my babes.

Things that made me want to hire a hit-man (a kind one) to get my kids back into line!!

One was over-tired and therefore rather sensitive to anything out of the ordinary.  I reacted like a bull in a china shop.  Hillarious for on-lookers or perhaps an eye opening experience.

A mum of three older girls came round and gently encouraged me with her wisdom of sensitive 

cow-girls who are parenting slightly different than others .....

And another one had been causing girli-fights at skool and when sent information about this via text message, I went a bit flappy again. Ah my wee girls weren't behaving (he he)!

This kind of stuff throws me off a bit, i tend to over-react and then want to run for the hills.

Prayer with others, encouragement and hindsight, truth and perspective .....

are all things that helped our week feel like it was just a bump in the road of our lives

and that my sweet pink-lipped gals 

are pretty normal. 

It's probably their mum that needs her head read more!

I really appreciated my friend popping round to talk about parenting.  I loved asking another to pray when i was on the phone with her.  Thanks Shell. 

 Any thoughts/ideas/prayers etc are always welcome here!

No Mans Land

Sat in the sun today, three diff times with two others and then myself.  Such delight considering this time last week it was snowing.  weird weather patterns but no complaining here.


When it did snow, miracle of miracles (approx 80 years since it had snowed in the city we live in!), I was ecstatic. I felt like a child would, screaming with delight inside and out. I actually felt like unexpected treats from the sky had fallen, landing on the hard soil of my heart.  With all it's beauty, i was softened again, just like the snow (before it becomes black ice!).


It has been no-mans-land experience for me for awhile. this year probably.  I have felt like i'm walking in a land i'm not familiar at all with.  No drama's are presenting themselves with the man-land i used to live in.  good news.  But no adventure is looming it appears.  It's just plain. Rather simple.   Not much direction but still there is life.  Life in my job and the things i'm passionate about. Fun and craziness with my kids.

Yet it feels a little uncomfortable.  Not knowing what could or would be coming round the corner.  I kind of feel a little numb about life at the mo. a bit ho-hum.  It's not a bad kind of eeyore sort of feeling.  It's more of a blah feeling.  Perhaps i'm  needing a party!!

Even better might be some decent questions to get me thinking from some of my question-asking friends (like these snowballs hitting me square in the face - surprise mum!)

All in all i'm not sure what is happening in my head (hence the lack of blog material) but when the snow did falleth, i felt like a surprise visit from above had landed just for me. 

 So I posed, just like my precious girl, to soak it all in!

And it was a ye ha moment.

 Reminding me that things come which i would never expect, when i'm feeling like i'm living in big blah land.  Quite lovely really.

As well as the snow - i shot a clay bird!  It was a lucky shot truth be known as i was very inaccurate in my approach to shooting.  But when it happened i was thrilled to pieces (as well as mightily surprised!) - check my face out!

And then, there is always a then ........ my dear heart precious Caz and her lovely friend had to stay another night with us on their way passing through (due to the treacherous snow conditions in nz he he). Liv had been sharing her thoughts with me re her dad (they pop up every now and then which opens up our world to conversation, prayers, love and tenderness).  Her finishing comment was "I wish we had someone else sitting at the table ......"  And then Caz arrives.  Someone else.  Making us feel not so smallish and cute.  Even though we are - cute that is. xx

the good old days in twenty eleven

We went to the local skate rink on Fri.

Oh my goodness what a great and groovy time.

5 bucks for a good time is all it costs - every Friday night if you wanna!

(photos are slightly arty as not sure how to get my amazing camera to take amazing photos in the darkness with the disco lights!)

My friends and I took our children for a fun night out.

Truth is we all were a bit jealous of the fun the kids were having and the groovy moves some of the older people were doing on the rink.  

Plus it was freezing waiting on the side for a few hours while the kids sweated up a storm.

Next time, we say, we'll be in with a grin on the rink!

This adventurous child even went in the speed racing comp and she did famously well.

I loved watching her come alive!  

I recall those feelings of bliss and freedom as a child, circling the rink again and again to the groovy sounds pumping.

This younger poppet mostly rode on one blade but as we go more, she'll get confidence and be a rider like her sis.  She still seemed to love rolling round on one foot.

Let the good times roll I say.

The mums will be rolling next time too!

Thanks Shell and Han, bliss doing life wit u xx

Matt and Sez, when you come over next, we are so taking you to the rink for you to strut your stuff and to remember the good old days!

stuck in the boot

After breaking heaps of things lately (the actual whole car, my ghd's - ah precious, cell phone dying and other helpful things like that!) i found myself locked out of my car yesterday.  
This felt like the final straw of a few breaking weeks. 


If you can picture the boot open, of my new finesse green car (not a station wagon but enough room for a few good sized suitcases) - yes new because the old black subaru's head g blew...... keep imagining - me climbing my whole body into that suitcase fitting boot, with swear words on the tip of my tongue, and tears nearly melting on my face.  My girls were nearby (after one had closed the door innocently leaving my purse with everything in it, stuck inside) so it wasn't time to let those swear words fly around freely.   It had turned from a sunny day to an icy cold massey university moment, and i found myself in the boot of the car trying to shimmy open anything that would budge.  I was in the foetal position hoping that the helpful people walking by might just close the boot and let have some time out.


Nothing worked which doesn't surprise me as i'm not really the best technical person in these kinds of moments so alas i had to climb out (which was an embarrassing moment in itself).  I could feel my world caving as i wondered what to do - ah yes i am a lifetime member of AA so i knew they would come if i could call them, yip phone in car wasn't helping me with that.


Crunchtime had been coming for a bit. I'd been feeling a bit tender. some things were feeling a bit big - things breaking around me was having  an affect i think.  Most of the time i do pretty well,  but sometimes when I'm on my own, seemingly small things seem rather bigger. 


Longish story cut short - i was waiting in the rainy local conditions for only a short time when my friend Shelley drove from the meeting she should have been in, to come and wait with me.  I had just been pacing to keep warm while the girls were scootering around on wheels to keep warm and beautiful Shell turned up.  She knew if it was her, she would have been crying.  She turned up as my face was melting, just as I had been saying to God, "Feeling a bit alone right now and feeling rather agro about the flippin big butt in boot situation".  And then He turns up, through her.  


Love that.  I laugh now as i remember wanting to use expletives, being frustrated about a simple mistake.  Shelleys simple gesture of coming to be with me was just what i needed and so beautiful.  What a pal, what a thoughtful woman. Grac-ious Shelley you beautiful wahine. Truthfully i had been needing to cry about everything breaking, for quite a few weeks now i think.  And this experience, however unimportant it seems, was a moment to go - ah breathe, cry, whatever, let it out Sarah Julie.  And I did.  I felt so much better. 


There is happily no photo to go with this post as prob not a gorgeous shot seeing me in the foetal position in my car boot.  Let us be glad xx

Little peoples quotes

7 yr old - mummy i love you so much i just can't express it. it would take me so so so long to tell you how i love you and i don't even have the right word to tell you how much i do love you, but I do mummy. I really really do (nodding her head in great approval and in a silly manner of course).


same 7 year old:  Mum could you please marry a dad who will stay? I think you need to get married again so we can have a daddy here.


8 year old answer (when told about 7 year old above statement).  I just wish you and daddy could get back together mum.  


8 year old (after i told her that i was having a meeting with three guys that evening).  Who are they mum? (Names were given)  Lucky they are married mum otherwise they would have fallen for you.


Ah they say the cutest things.   Ah they do the nicest things.


I've been sick this week, not feeling so hot.  8 year old was so helpful without being asked - putting her bed linen on the bed so i didn't have to bend down to pick it up off the floor.  This reminds me to keep parenting positively - encouraging them in kind ways.  

Hope you have some good quotes from your week whether from big people or little ones.  

Reflecting

I made a comment recently about how our children can be reflections of ourselves - like a mirror pointing something back at us, something to adjust or something to be glad of.
I think even when i was teaching with none of my own children, the pupils were my reflection at times. 

My babes started playing hockey - just like their mum used to.  I'm gladly suspecting they will far outdo my capabilities on the hockey field. At present they are mostly enjoying wearing the mouth guards and carrying around a long weapon!

They are also focusing on 'sticks down' and 'following the ball', once they have hit it with the right side of their stick.  They are getting better and better, as I cheer them on and encourage them.

I can see myself in them as they struggle to have energy for the end of the game.  Chasing the ball becomes more of a struggle than choosing to stay put and watch it cruise down the field.  BUT they are persevering.  The only goal i got in Primary hockey was a goal for the other team, i'm hesitant to announce.  Fortunately as an adult, i got the opportunity to play at Sportscamp (where i was the token 'darts player or mini-golf hopeful, maybe cheerleader?) where i, yes me, scored the winning goal in our hockey final.  Boy that was healing and confirming that i wasn't quite as useless at the sports thing as I had assumed!  I think the same camp i helped win the ladies bowls.  What a legend!





So the Mirror here is just to remind me to help the girls with strategy and to encourage them to do their best and not give up. They seem to be at an age where they respond well to that, thankfully.
When i think about my own sporting background i can laugh and be fine with it all.  It's not my gifting but it's something i can always have a go at.  With my babes, I'm so glad they are doing the hockey thing - they may love it so much that they do it for life. They may not, but it's these experiences that will tend to make their life richer for the effort and attitude and skill they put in and reap the reward of.

Oh bless!

connecting up in more ways than one ....

I've had the best few weekends,

Precious friends, I've had my fill of time and encouragement, intimate and refreshing moments.

I felt like if i was to find a word for me this year, then my word would be 'moments'.

Making the most of any moments that come along ....

 A surprise visit from a treasured trio, having dinner and beautiful catch ups over the bird-cage placemats i'd been saving,

another moment (or evening) i'll never forget.

On the home front we've made pom poms.

Hillarious. Time consuming. retro. recycling.  My babes have loved it.

Another one of those moments along with celebrations that make life together, together.

We're also reading CS Lewis .....  He is so great!

Autumn has made me feel the love!  I've been stopped in my steps as i've admired and taken in creation, esp the red parts of the nature trail i live in!

But not is all positive and pretty in life (like when i took the above photo, my car was loosing it's head-gasket capacity, on a trip very far out of town!) although it's pretty darn good.

this is going to sound so weird, this next part, but if you can pretend you are in my head for a mo, you might get it!

I joined facebook. i connected to that thing which i never thought i would. 

And it's been doing my head in.  

Yes funny i know.  I laugh at myself.

I find it confusing on a few levels, even though it's meant to be simple stupid.

I feel bad if i don't want to be 'friends' with someone and click the 'not now' button.

I also feel in control (which i like) of who my virtual friends can be, but feel stressed by the mere decision.

Anywho, for some reason i find it stressful.  I'm asking myself why?  

Why oh why he he?

Maybe it's just new and unfamiliar.

Maybe it's just making me feel a little out of control.

As I write this i realise that 

since the husband-guy left our family, I've tried to hold on to the other things that i have control of.

And fb makes me feel a little out of control.

Understanding myself more, is part of the journey i'm on and i guess this silly moment has helped me to know a bit more of myself.

Funny thing really.  feel rather stupid but wanted it to get out of my head onto some sort of paper (my virtual paper) so i could see it more clearly. 

As clearly as i see this wee autumn cherub

Thanks for the moments I've had with you lately, whether in the flesh or via the web!

Love being able to pick who can read this wee bloggy thing with no pressure xx.

oh a wee quote to finish - take a mo ....

Anna Quindlen

So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life.
Get a real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water gap or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you.

surrounded by beauty

Was challenged a few weekends ago, 

to remember to balance my life with social stuff 

and 'business'.  

New job has meant more meetings out at night, which has been important but

has meant i've been tired for other stuff.  On reflection, i feel i'd lost my zing for life!

It feel like it took me ages to realise this truth.....

but a simple sentence from a valued pal or two, has reminded me of the beauty of 

fun, parties, doing stuff together.

A night outside with a lamb roasted, mosquito's buzzing, fantastic company.  Laughs and a good dose of Bridget Jones.

And tonight, polka dots, black canvas place mats, candles and serviettes to match ..... our wee family (eating left over lambchop), remembering good times and looking forward to more stuff in our future.

Beauty is indeed everywhere, stopping to create it or admire it is vital.  It's been a life-line for me over these past few days. 

Putting effort into creating beautiful moments with equally beautiful people has helped me not feel like we are this small litttle unit of 3.  We are more because of our family and friends. 

Our next thing is to have a daylight saving party on Sat- we're having kids on wheels in the couldersack with parents drinking wine or whatever,

human noughts and crosses and possibly hiding dessert around our garden for the kids to find.

Even if we don't get all that organised, at least we'll be doing something fun and for no particular reason except for 'being together'.

I feel particularly stupid at times,

forgetting one of the very things that makes me, me.

And i'd gotten too busy (hate that word) being busy. 

I'd forgotten. 

But friends/comrades/companions in this life, 

reminded me. 

People.

Love them ........   Love helping them ...... Love doing life with them.

some thanksgivings

This lovely lantern has a small but precious candle residing in it.  And I adore it. Everytime i walk past this little guy, the fragrance makes me feel alive. It is the sweetest smell around and if someone made it into a fragrance to spray on, i'd be buying it!

I currently adore this new addition to my room, the ladder holding all the neck warmers.  These particular neck warmers hide in my cupboard normally and my neck and i forget about them. But no more will that be happening.  I wore the stripey red one today with some new ace-black jeans. As i meandered around, i was glad of the ladder and it's ability to bring my wardrobe a splash of colour.  

I'm thankful for the outdoorsy areas which have changed our life.  Having grass has meant we've had more fun outdoors. We've picked walnuts off the huge tree (which i need to research more about as they are not worth the effort we make to peel and smash them, currently), sprayed water whilst jumping on the bounce-machine, we've shifted truck loads of firewood and we've eaten where the cicaders chirp.  Bliss outside the new abode and bliss inside. 

I am grateful for these areas of rest and the sense of peace they bring.  The end of the day cannot come too quickly sometimes as I fall into a chair in the lounge, or lie on my bed with the beautiful outside view.  Thank you God for our place, our home.  

Thankfulness always involves these two crackers. 

7 year old has given me some great quotes of late - we were watching some of the Sound of music, the part where Maria and Captain V are finally getting together.  I'm sushing the girls as it's such a beautiful scene, to which the 7 year old yum yum says: “Mummy listening to people is more important than listening to TV”.  (so true, so true!).  And then as we are praying before sleep time last night, the same child who is thanking God for things like how snuggly her mummy is (hmmmmm not sure how encouraging that is!), thanks God for mummy's nice eye shadow.  She quickly adds after that, “remember to take it off mum, in brackets”, giggle giggle. Amen.  Oh how i love to be around such flavour and such delight.

I am thankful, lastly, for truth.  I read this verse the other day - Psalm 51 verse 6 - Surely you desire truth in the inner most parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

I have been feeling overwhelmed by some different things of late.  I had some time sitting at my piano forte and as i poured out my heart to my God, i felt him reminding me of truth - his love, his care, his hand, on me.  

I pray for His truth in our inmost place, the centre of our being.  I hope that i'll be more attentive to that and not the silly-thoughts of my own head.  The end, for now, apart from this cooli quote to finish. xx

Henri J. M. Nouwen

To pray means to stop expecting from God the same small-mindedness which you discover in yourself. To pray is to walk in the full light of God and to say simply, without holding back, "I am human and you are God."

  

Silence

Even the idea of it scares people i think.
What to do with ones thoughts when one comes rather close to them? The answer often comes in that silence.
We are surrounded by such a lot of noise!
Heard the cicada's lately?  In NZ they are buzzing but it has to be fairly quiet to notice them, for me anyway.
Having two min silence for Christchurch yesterday involved the quiet hush of the room you were in or the place you were at and it drew your mind, once again to this event.
As I waited I felt tears well up. I thought about a few things, people, the humungeousness of it all and i offered silent short sentences to Him who knows everything.
I felt glad to have had that time.  A time to notice breathing and thoughts, a time to stop.

Maybe silence can be likened to a fuel-stop.
Or a reality check.
or just a breather.
Maybe silence would go nicely with a cuppa.


When I took that moment of silence with people all around my country, I gained something.  Perspective.  Peace.  Refuelling for the next part of my day.


Hoping for more moments like that.  The little poem at the end is a lovely silence prayer.  Enjoy, maybe in the quietness of your own head or space.

Henri J. M. Nouwen

Dear God,
Speak gently in my silence.
When the loud outer noises of my surroundings
and the loud inner noises of my fears
keep pulling me away from you,
help me to trust that you are still there
even when I am unable to hear you.
Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying:
"Come to me, you who are overburdened,
and I will give you rest...
for I am gentle and humble of heart."
Let that loving voice be my guide.
Amen.